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an_alias

an_alias

Hi :)
Dec 21, 2020
116
ever since I was a little boy my social life has been restricted to the internet. I was born with severe multiple allergies, meaning that virtually any public space is a threat to my life; a single airborne trace of my allergens can be enough to make me go into anaphylaxis and stop breathing. the gravity of this problem has meant that I've had no opportunities to socialise IRL for the whole course of my life -- for example, I had never went to school in person and had to do all the work from home.

there's a myriad of consequences that have arisen from this. for example, it's made me a terrible orator, insomuch that it hinders me in even the most basic of conversations; although known for my eloquence while messaging others I have a habit of stumbling over my words and being incredibly nebulous when speaking aloud. I wince every time I think of this. It's also exacerbated my already poor mental health (5 years on this fucking site!!!) as it means I have very few opportunities to meaningfully socialise, and am thus lacking the sort of human connection that composes normal happiness.

I have one friend whom I can actually say I like, who lives on the other side of the world, and often tries to calm me regarding this. But it's not enough!!! AGGGHHHH!!! She'll tell me about how other people who trap themselves in the internet realm just do so for the sake of sardonic doomscrolling, whereas I do so with the forlorn hope of finding some meaningful connection (as I somehow did with her, but she's basically a one-off LOL) -- but that often just leaves me to ruminate how, because I'm going against the grain of the typical internet throng, I'll get fucking nowhere. There's already so few people in a situation like mine, and on top of that, even fewer with whom I could actually get along.

anyone else in a similar boat? if so, do you want to talk?
 
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ColorlessTrees

ColorlessTrees

Stuck
Jan 4, 2022
272
Total isolation is an alienating circumstance, let alone to this extreme. While it's not a competition, it's often difficult to be a misfit amongst misfits, and that's how I've always described it.

Though the reason is different, I relate to your sentiment a lot; I was mute as a child, then after various mental health issues, dropped out of school at a very young age. As a result, I have been in a figurative padded room, barring family (who have always been little more than husks who can't communicate), for the entirety of my life. Even now, as a semi-"disabled" adult, I do not belong, nor can I integrate with the wider culture for one reason or another.

The only connections I have ever made were online, and as I have severe abandonment issues by way of my.. extreme upbringing, have always gone awry.

I rarely click with people due to my aforementioned dysfunction and strangeness, so if it doesn't work out, nothing personal, but I think it can be beneficial to at least speak to someone in a similar situation. If you'd like to give it a shot, you can send me a message (preferably PM so I see it; I have notification issues with the chat.)
 
Ch4in3dcr0w

Ch4in3dcr0w

if u ever see me happy just kill me
Jun 21, 2025
33
I found like 3 people i talk to on internet generally its quite hard to found someone who wont ghost you after 20 minutes of talking but its absolutly possible. My best advice would be to write first because only then i got an actual meaningfull friends out of it. I have a lot of tiktok post about bmf and stuff like that on my fyp page so it might be a good place to start. U can write me a PM or respond if u want to talk and i will check when i visit the site (might take max 2 days i have fucked up sleep schedule) 🤗