Venting made a last ditch effort to feel joy and think it backfired

[fatigued]

i impulsively went on vacation to see two of my favourite artists play at the same venue (, iykyk) on the same night. it was honestly amazing. despite being in incredible pain for 6 hours straight (it has been nearly a month and I have not fully regained feeling in two of my toes), i would do it all over again. but now i feel like i've genuinely peaked. i know i will never feel as happy and free as that again. so now i'm wondering what's even the point in going on?

the trip cost about half of my life savings (wasn't much to start with). i'm not capable of working or studying with any kind of consistency. i can't maintain any kind of relationship; romantic, familial, platonic or sexual. my psychiatrist has ghosted me for over a year. i got diagnosed with another fucking chronic health condition a few months ago. i have to face a tribunal in a month to decide if i'm disabled enough to deserve enough money to live.

i genuinely have nothing good going on in my life. it's hard to care anymore

 

[PeaceSeeker83]

Yep.There comes a point where life becomes a losing battle.

 

[violetforever]

this is where im at right now. i know its over for me and ctb is the eventual outcome, just looking for the opportunity and bravery to be happy and free at least once in my life before it ends. i couldnt bear to go back to the misery of every day life after experiencing that peak moment.