Lunacy / Oh well...

[motel rooms]

I finally lost all control for the first time & made a complete fool of myself. I even puked on myself like a pathetic baby & I wasn't even drunk; it's all in the mind. Oh well... At least no one in their right mind can accuse me of being an evil mastermind ever again, it turns out it's possible to turn me into an ordinary traumatized lunatic digging his own grave by persistently pushing the right buttons in my battered brain. Yay.

 

[not-2-b-the-answer]

So sorry. I hope you are doing better now. There are so many people who care about you here.
I don't think anyone would consider you an evil mastermind. I wish I could give you a real hug in person.
I think you are awesome. I don't know if many people could have survived what you have been through.

 

[needforvoid_]

Sorry man, it's a hard place to be in. No words suffice, we here though.

 

[KuriGohan&Kamehameha]

You're not pathetic, or a lunatic, or mastermind, just a deeply hurt person whose been trying your best to pick up the pieces and find solace in life through music, love, bringing a smile to the faces of others with aptly timed jokes and insights. There's something to be admired in that, and you deserve some kindness right now.

 

[Angst Filled Fuck Up]

I actually do think you're an evil mastermind lunatic, but in a good way. We love you.

 

[Foresight]

I think you're a beautiful person. I've seen you share lightheartedness with people who need it the most, go toe to toe to be real about what's fair in this cruel world, and try to keep a level of grace and respect when things get heated. We went back and forth a couple months ago about Christ and you were graceful and kind in an honest conversation. I was very fragile but I'm committed to that cause and I appreciated how you spoke with me.

If we've found ourselves on SS and we're alive today then we're doing the best we can. I hope you feel better soon.

 

[Amumu]

Now it's high time we established a political section, put back the double ignore function and had stricter moderation.

@motel rooms had a psychotic episode which was reinforced (or even caused) by this leniency.

 

[Julgran]

I finally lost all control for the first time & made a complete fool of myself. I even puked on myself like a pathetic baby & I wasn't even drunk; it's all in the mind. Oh well... At least no one in their right mind can accuse me of being an evil mastermind ever again, it turns out it's possible to turn me into an ordinary traumatized lunatic digging his own grave by persistently pushing the right buttons in my battered brain. Yay.

You are just human. We are all frail in some way. Don't be ashamed of it

 

[whatevs]

Now it's high time we established a political section, put back the double ignore function and had stricter moderation.

@motel rooms had a psychotic episode which was reinforced (or even caused) by this leniency.

More than psychosis the part I saw was more like an emotional breakdown. I have had a lesser version of this in the past, where I insisted and insisted in a quarrel with someone that had already given up on the conversation. I ended physically assaulting the person. No injuries but it was very scary and sad.

I could see this in a worsened version evolving into sending unwanted private messages and such.

I hope motel rooms becomes aware of this problem and learns to stop and think and put distance when it tries to take control of his psyche. I am a vulnerable narcissist so I understand the feeling but I was shocked at the desperate need of approval he displayed, going out of his way to try and force others to see him in a positive way when it was no longer possible, or not the appropriate moment for that.

 

[Chinaski]

Now it's high time we established a political section, put back the double ignore function and had stricter moderation.

@motel rooms had a psychotic episode which was reinforced (or even caused) by this leniency.

No the entire forum should not be entirely reworked to suit the requirements of one individual user.

 

[Eternally Dottie]

I finally lost all control for the first time & made a complete fool of myself. I even puked on myself like a pathetic baby & I wasn't even drunk; it's all in the mind. Oh well... At least no one in their right mind can accuse me of being an evil mastermind ever again, it turns out it's possible to turn me into an ordinary traumatized lunatic digging his own grave by persistently pushing the right buttons in my battered brain. Yay.

You are human. We are all fucked up - that's why we're here - don't be too hard on yourself

 

[Crazy4u]

More than psychosis the part I saw was more like an emotional breakdown. I have had a lesser version of this in the past, where I insisted and insisted in a quarrel with someone that had already given up on the conversation. I ended physically assaulting the person. No injuries but it was very scary and sad.

I could see this in a worsened version evolving into sending unwanted private messages and such.

I hope motel rooms becomes aware of this problem and learns to stop and think and put distance when it tries to take control of his psyche. I am a vulnerable narcissist so I understand the feeling but I was shocked at the desperate need of approval he displayed, going out of his way to try and force others to see him in a positive way when it was no longer possible, or not the appropriate moment for that.

That is one of the best responses to the thread. I am glad OP is aware now.

In my opinion, some of the responses enabling the behavior are not fair to the other member

 

[motel rooms]

I hope motel rooms becomes aware of this problem and learns to stop and think and put distance when it tries to take control of his psyche. I am a vulnerable narcissist so I understand the feeling but I was shocked at the desperate need of approval he displayed, going out of his way to try and force others to see him in a positive way when it was no longer possible, or not the appropriate moment for that.

Haha... Your diagnosis sounds a lot like a provocation. OK, I'll bite.

I was aware people were either disgusted or happy to see me CTB'ing in public, but I was too enraged to be able to care about their approval. For me, the most disturbing & humiliating part of my "episode" was its beginning - I got a splitting headache & puked & was feeling so worthless & unbelievably despised by the man who'd finally managed to push me over the edge after slandering me for months that I actually cried out (not literally, ofc), "Why do you hate me so much? Why are you doing this to me? Why can't you just leave me alone already?"

I know I've said this a thousand times, but I really do have fucking C-PTSD because my fucking father fucked & beat me for ten years as a child & when people like me feel seriously threatened they sometimes say childish things. Their body convulses, their head explodes & they cry & vomit & piss & shit their pants like little children. Those who think I'm exaggerating can read a couple of Persephone's (@LastLoveLetter) devastating threads about what childhood sexual abuse has done to her.

If I'd managed to delete my "melodramatic comment" before another user quoted it (to patronize & mock me for saying things that I in my usual state of mind know only a child would say; my IQ isn't in single digits), I wouldn't have gotten furious with myself for sounding like a big baby & gone on a rampage. I knew I was spewing vitriol, but I was unable to stop myself. That's my side of the story, the other guy's free to tell his. I'm definitely never going to interact with him again. Especially if I get banned, which could still happen.

In my opinion, some of the responses enabling the behavior are not fair to the other member

If you're trying to say there's no excuse for my behavior, I agree with you. There is no excuse for my behavior.

 

[Chinaski]

got a splitting headache & puked & was feeling so worthless & unbelievably despised by the man who'd finally managed to push me over the edge after slandering me for months that I actually cried out (not literally, ofc), "Why do you hate me so much? Why are you doing this to me? Why can't you just leave me alone already?"

This is manipulative drivel, you've spent days going from thread to thread to make comments about me, attack others for the posts they react to, harassed people in the dms, posted bile on a profile, these people have nothing to do with me and you are going out and attacking them. Do not continue with this manipulative line of bullshit, it's purely because you keep referring to me that l keep exercising my right to reply. Grow up.

 

[whatevs]

Haha... Your diagnosis sounds a lot like a provocation. OK, I'll bite.

I was aware people were either disgusted or happy to see me CTB'ing in public, but I was too enraged to be able to care about their approval. For me, the most disturbing & humiliating part of my "episode" was its beginning - I got a splitting headache & puked & was feeling so worthless & unbelievably despised by the man who'd finally managed to push me over the edge after slandering me for months that I actually cried out (not literally, ofc), "Why do you hate me so much? Why are you doing this to me? Why can't you just leave me alone already?"

I know I've said this a thousand times, but I really do have fucking C-PTSD because my fucking father fucked & beat me for ten years as a child & when people like me feel seriously threatened they sometimes say childish things. Their body convulses, their head explodes & they cry & vomit & piss & shit their pants like little children. Those who think I'm exaggerating can read a couple of Persephone's (@LastLoveLetter) devastating threads about what childhood sexual abuse has done to her.

If I'd managed to delete my "melodramatic comment" before another user quoted it (to patronize & mock me for saying things that I in my usual state of mind know only a child would say; my IQ isn't in single digits), I wouldn't have gotten furious with myself for sounding like a big baby & gone on a rampage. I knew I was spewing vitriol, but I was unable to stop myself. That's my side of the story, the other guy's free to tell his. I'm definitely never going to interact with him again. Especially if I get banned, which could still happen.

Well I actually didn't try to diagnose you, nor that I am prepared to. Mental health interests me slightly, that's all, and you obviously have some kind of emotional incontinence problem that could fit some diagnosis. I guess Complex PTSD fits the bill, you know your problems better than anyone else.

What I have to say in trying to help you is that you should learn to put up boundaries and also to respect them. The second time Chinaski viciously responded to one of my opinions I took the healthy decision to put him on ignore.

I don't know if you were reluctant to do so because he is relatively popular on the board or because he genuinely can write interesting and witty responses but when you are faced with abuse you can either fight or move on. Trying to make the attacker like you normally doesn't work. In fact, they probably will respect you more if you attack them directly or ignore them than when you try to make them pity you or see you favourably in a forced way.

 

[Chinaski]

Well I actually didn't try to diagnose you, nor that I am prepared to. Mental health interests me slightly, that's all, and you obviously have some kind of emotional incontinence problem that could fit some diagnosis. I guess Complex PTSD fits the bill, you know your problems better than anyone else.

What I have to say in trying to help you is that you should learn to put up boundaries and also to respect them. The second time Chinaski viciously responded to one of my opinions I took the healthy decision to put him on ignore.

I don't know if you were reluctant to do so because he is relatively popular on the board or because he genuinely can write interesting and witty responses but when you are faced with abuse you can either fight or move on. Trying to make the attacker like you normally doesn't work. In fact, they probably will respect you more if you attack them directly or ignore them than when you try to make them pity you or see you favourably in a forced way.

I don't think talking about me as if I'm an abusive bully in this instance is fair or accurate given the recent conduct this person displayed towards other users who are clearly not me, whilst l appreciate your view may be tainted by your own interactions with me (as evidenced by your other numerous posts about me when you think I'm not looking, even though you've supposedly ignored) l don't think any objective assessment would follow your line of thinking even if it fundamentally agreed with the advice.

 

[motel rooms]

Trying to make the attacker like you normally doesn't work. In fact, they probably will respect you more if you attack them directly or ignore them than when you try to make them pity you or see you favourably in a forced way.

I'm actually quite obsessed with never showing weakness/being victimized in any way because I was abused. That's why this "fit" was so humiliating & infuriating to me.

I stopped crying as a child & I was unable to do it until I had a mental breakdown in front of the guy I ended up marrying. It feels good to be able to cry again, it's an important form of release for me. I'm comfortable with being vulnerable around my husband & all that hippie crap.

 

[needforvoid_]

I relate, not showing weakness or being needy makes people assume you're not even human. It's unfair and they derive joy from breaking you.
I hate it so much, I didn't cry either, and it always happens that only people that do receive compassion, if not everything is perfectly fine with you. And then once I start crying it's like some sick victory of theirs and I feel like shit because now I'm crying and being just like them, just like the only thing I don't want to be, an out of contol child.
I wonder how you're now, but you don't gotta answer, I wouldn't. Wish I had some tips other than ranting.