Venting Love with BPD

[hiding the roses]

Trying to form stable love with this shitty mental illness hurts. Badly, at that. I cant form healthy attachments for shit, and I act too out of line for normal people to be at all interested in me. It seems the only people I can attract are manipulative assholes who play with emotions for fun and get a ride out of the chase. God. Men are so shitty sometimes I wish I didnt desire love this badly.

Recently, one ex came back into my life, and lovebombed me for a week straight, only to leave again because im "too much." Like the first time wasnt evidence enough? And I accepted him back like nothing happened because I cant do anything but idealize the tiny moments.

I wish I didnt desire to find a relationship that works before I die this badly, so I could do it without a single regret.

Another picture of my cat below. His name is Guppy, and he is all I love

 

[bl33ding_heart]

I relate to this so much.. It seriously feels like for me without love my life is entirely meaningless, and it just feels so dreadful and empty. But whenever I manage to or try to seek out love it always ends up going horribly wrong and leaving me in even worse pain. I seriously don't understand how someone is even supposed to solve this issue. :/

 

[hiding the roses]

I relate to this so much.. It seriously feels like for me without love my life is entirely meaningless, and it just feels so dreadful and empty. But whenever I manage to or try to seek out love it always ends up going horribly wrong and leaving me in even worse pain. I seriously don't understand how someone is even supposed to solve this issue. :/

It felt like DBT therapy worked for a couple months and then never again after my next relationship. If I have to pay for that all my life with this shitty healthcare, I'd rather just die.