Venting Love is painful when healing

[Nemy]

Just putting this here to get it off my chest.

Falling in love is terrifying when I hate myself.
I am currently in therapy for self compassion.

I'm too afraid to initiate anything with the person I am interested in. Despite him constantly supporting me and reassuring me.

I tether on suicidal thoughts, not feeling worthy enough and feeling like I have nothing of value to add to his life.

He treats me with nothing but compassion and kindness. Yet I feel like I can't return the level of care he gives me because I am so scared of opening up and messing things up.

Learning to love myself and others has been the most challenging part of my recovery.

My therapist told me it was a good thing that I had my walls up because they kept me safe all these years from very traumatic experiences. But that maybe it's time to stop fighting against it and befriend it.

I want to be able to love again without being afraid.

 

[UnnervedCompany]

I feel like I need to tell you this. I could've had a hard but loving relationship with this person. He was distant geographically and mentally due to him recovering from his breakup with his ex. He was unwilling to commit to me even after he confessed his feelings for me and I confessed mine. That person right there that is supporting you and reassuring you is a beacon do not lose it do not do the same mistake of not willing to show your emotions as my going to be partner did. Even through fear just hint anything be communicative. The idea that people you love will leave you if you talk is not true except if they do not love you at all. The worst thing you can do is not talk. You will love yourself when you realize people will be there with you through any traumatic unfortunate circumstances exist.

I just hope the best for you do not please lose love out of fear just as my partner did. He was afraid to commit due to me being far away and in the end we both lost romantic partners and long lasting friendships.

 

[Nemy]

I feel like I need to tell you this. I could've had a hard but loving relationship with this person. He was distant geographically and mentally due to him recovering from his breakup with his ex. He was unwilling to commit to me even after he confessed his feelings for me and I confessed mine. That person right there that is supporting you and reassuring you is a beacon do not lose it do not do the same mistake of not willing to show your emotions as my going to be partner did. Even through fear just hint anything be communicative. The idea that people you love will leave you if you talk is not true except if they do not love you at all. The worst thing you can do is not talk. You will love yourself when you realize people will be there with you through any traumatic unfortunate circumstances exist.

I just hope the best for you do not please lose love out of fear just as my partner did. He was afraid to commit due to me being far away and in the end we both lost romantic partners and long lasting friendships.

Thank you for sharing your experience and encouragement even in these difficult times for you.

I spoke to my therapist yesterday and she encouraged me to reach out to him too.

I did after a long day of fighting with myself, fear and a bit of liquid courage.

He wrote back and comforted me again. He told me I meant a lot to him. I don't know what I did to deserve someone so gentle. But I want to make sure he feels cared for and loved too despite how anxious I am. I think I definitely would have regretted it if I stayed silent.
Thanks again for the support.