faraway_sayu
Member
- Mar 9, 2026
- 14
the man who i have spent the last 9 months of my life stuck in a complicated situationship with is officially shagging someone else. he's technically not cheating on me, so i'm not allowed to be upset about it. he doesn't even know that i know, so he's completely oblivious to why i can't bear to speak to him right now.
i'm not supposed to be hurt but i am. every relationship i've ever had has been the same. i get attached to someone who fills a void, whose house i can escape to, who will act like they sort of like me. then i get too attached and when it inevitably goes to shit, it destroys me. then we split up, i am horrifically depressed, then i find someone else and the cycle repeats. if this is my life— never being chosen first, never being wanted, never being enough for anyone, then why don't i just save myself the pain and end it now?
i don't know how much longer i can take this. i don't believe in love anymore. i've never felt it. i look around and see a loveless world. even couples i know who are married or have children together are miserable, settling for each other when deep down they resent each other. two of my distant friends are engaged, they have a son. the more i get to know them, the more i see how unhappy they are. there's no hope.
there's no intimacy. every time i thought i felt it i was wrong. sex is awful. maybe it's me. i always want it until it's happening. i get too emotional. maybe that's why he's fucking someone else now.
i know the logical solution is just to be single, but i don't know how. i need that distraction. i need him because i don't have anyone else. i wish i was a strong woman who was happy without a man. i try to convince myself i am, but clearly i'm not. as soon as i feel him fading from me i'm back here again.
i'm not supposed to be hurt but i am. every relationship i've ever had has been the same. i get attached to someone who fills a void, whose house i can escape to, who will act like they sort of like me. then i get too attached and when it inevitably goes to shit, it destroys me. then we split up, i am horrifically depressed, then i find someone else and the cycle repeats. if this is my life— never being chosen first, never being wanted, never being enough for anyone, then why don't i just save myself the pain and end it now?
i don't know how much longer i can take this. i don't believe in love anymore. i've never felt it. i look around and see a loveless world. even couples i know who are married or have children together are miserable, settling for each other when deep down they resent each other. two of my distant friends are engaged, they have a son. the more i get to know them, the more i see how unhappy they are. there's no hope.
there's no intimacy. every time i thought i felt it i was wrong. sex is awful. maybe it's me. i always want it until it's happening. i get too emotional. maybe that's why he's fucking someone else now.
i know the logical solution is just to be single, but i don't know how. i need that distraction. i need him because i don't have anyone else. i wish i was a strong woman who was happy without a man. i try to convince myself i am, but clearly i'm not. as soon as i feel him fading from me i'm back here again.
