Lost all hope,I can escape war and abusive relatives,but I just don’t see a point in it anymore

[Daria98765]

i have a chance to emigrate to a better place where is no war and I could practice microdosing legally,but at this point I see more sense in driving somewhere in my car with my ExitBag Set and just die in my car rather than to waste time on another pointless attempt to undo damage in my brain.
I'm kinda sure microdosing won't fix my problem,so what is the point,even if I have money and opportunity to emigrate?
I used to be so interested in emigrating,I was preparing,learning about possible options,I was watching a lot of videos from people who successfully emigrated and built new life in better place,but now I don't do any of this,I think there is more point in dying from nitrogen in my car than flying to another country…

By the way how much time do I have to delete this?I just don't want this shame to stay here.

 

[mandyjohnuk]

Hi.
We all have doubt in this life but the fact you have been learning and preparing for this says to me atleast you have some hope of being sort of happy.
Try it and if it's still not for you then go with you exit plan.
Who knows you may have a new lease on how things could and should be for us all.
Be happy.

 

[Daria98765]

Hi.
We all have doubt in this life but the fact you have been learning and preparing for this says to me atleast you have some hope of being sort of happy.
Try it and if it's still not for you then go with you exit plan.
Who knows you may have a new lease on how things could and should be for us all.
Be happy.

hi,thanks,but emigrating is not happiness for me,not anymore.I used to Learn and prepare before my trauma,so I had some sort of hope,but I lost it 2 years ago when this shit happened to me.
Happiness for me now is a very simple thing that a lot of people have and don't appreciate it.I just want problem in my mind,brain to be fixed so I could live happily like I used to 2 years ago,this would be happiness for me,but I don't think microdosing will fix it since my problem can be described as deep severe trauma that has huge impact on my mind,my personality which I'm pretty sure can't be fixed with microdosing.
And I kinda don't want to rely on backup plan,since now,today or tomorrow is perfect time to die,there are several reasons why,I can't be more detailed about them,but if I die later,after my new attempt,it would be harder for me to ctb

 

[toasterbath]

A lot of people say exhaust all options before ctb. What if a new change in atmosphere, new community, and microdosing does help? It may not erase your past but it could give you a chance at a better future. Why would it be harder to ctb later?

 

[Daria98765]

A lot of people say exhaust all options before ctb. What if a new change in atmosphere, new community, and microdosing does help? It may not erase your past but it could give you a chance at a better future. Why would it be harder to ctb later?

It's really hard to explain without details…But it certainly will be harder.
Unfortunately the only thing I need is to erase my past and my severe trauma which is acting like it's a cancer tumour that growing and growing and making new traumas,psychological problems again and again like new tumors.I originally had one problem but it has grown into hundreds.

 

[FuneralCry]

I'm sorry that you are suffering so much and are in this situation. It really is such a cruel existence. I hope that in whatever happens, you find relief from what you are going through.

 

[Shivali]

The problem is - no matter where I go - I always take myself with me. I can't get rid of me or my traumas.

 

[Daria98765]

The problem is - no matter where I go - I always take myself with me. I can't get rid of me or my traumas.

Yeah