losing my favorite person has broken me

[w4itingforthesun]

back again to talk about the same thing i guess. nothing has changed. it's been a little over 2 months since my most special person left me and blocked me on everything. i couldn't get any closure because he left in an instant and that's what has really been breaking me every day. and it's all my fault.
it's been 2 months and all i think about is him every day. how we were supposed to spend the 11th of september together and see a concert together, how we were supposed to have such a lovely day together. i was looking forward to it since may. but of course that just has to be the way my life plays out.
i don't want to think about him anymore i don't want to live this life anymore i thought i finally found someone to love and i lost it and i ruined it with my own hands.
i just want to ctb so badly i dont want to wake up anymore i dont want to be here anymore i just wish i could disappear right now forever. but i have to continue waking up while i try desperately to search for a way out.
i really did truly love him. he was the most special person to me in the whole world. and i've been left behind. it really hurts too much to keep going when all i do is think about him every day.
i will make sure i die. i will make sure of it
i can't sleep because i'm awake spiraling over and over over him i just know if i were dead i wouldn't have to be like this anymore

 

[Somewhat Suicidal]

I really sorry this happened to you.
The same thing has happened to me when I was 24 with my girlfriend after almost 4 years of relationship. Although I wouldn't say it was all my fault, I definitely had my part in how things went. Her not talking to me at all as to why she ended things so abruptly still broke my heart far more than it would have been broken anyway about losing her and I know how brutal this feels. This has been almost 10 years ago now but I still remember how it felt and how I couldn't think about pretty much anything else for months either, couldn't sleep, couldn't eat, couldn't enjoy anything I did with my friends, purely by how devastating of an experience it was.
Eventually I started doing therapy and also had a stay in psychiatry which helped somewhat, although some of that was attributed to meeting another in some ways wonderful (in others devious as it turned out later) woman there. However, we were merely each others consolation from the shit we both had been going through before, so it obviously didn't help and I would not necessarily recommend going down that route, no matter how tempting it is in such a situation...

I know this is probably not overly helpful to alleviate your pain about what happened, but I still wanted to share it with you to let you know you are not alone with such an experience and your feelings.
You might still you consider talking to some professional or get some other treatment. It largely depends what exactly your personal situation is apart from this what makes sense in that regard, so I can't really point you in a specific direction there.

 

[3amwife]

29 days ago I was dumped by my person; I know I was wrong with many things… theres no excuse
I didn't know how to handle my first ever miscarriage and I lost my virginity to him.
I know its not taken so seriously now a days but for my upbringing its serious a life bond a sacred thing.
Having had moved back to my origin country from where I was and where I was able to see him physically, things we not great. I know I let my negative thoughts out and I didn't admit it at the right time.
I lost him.
He's out of love for me.
My memories of him are started to be recolored in such a way that makes it all seem like a lie.
It's killing me.
He told me to lose hope of us getting back together.
Now its mutated to lose hope in life.
He begs me not to.
But what's the point ? My purpose is to love him
I gave myself to him
I have more to give to him
Now he doesn't want me.
I wish everyone else going through this to recover.
But I'd be a hypocrite.
I'm sorry your heart is suffering through this.
I'm giving up.
I just have to sort out many things.

 

[DeathJester]

It is nothing but suffering that follows you through every minute of every god damn day. True love is the most digusting curse if anything ever goes wrong and you end up left stranded.

 

[mofkiy]

I'm so sorry you're going through that

It's honestly crazy how similar our situations are, i was also dumped two months ago and it was my own fault, he was perfect, i thought I finally found the love I always craved, but he's gone, and it's all my fault.
He was all I had, I really feel like I exist to love him, now that he's gone it feels like I lost myself, my whole life shattered. I want to die so badly but it's not easy, if I had access to an easy and painless method, I would no longer be here