Help Looking to break my pride

[BloomingAzaleas]

Pride is perhaps my biggest roadblock to recovery at the moment, and I don't mean the "I'm better than everyone else" pride but it's something similar.

My pride is more like "I love misery so why should I change?" "This is the life I wished for upon a star and I wouldn't change anything" "Doing what you want is only something humans do, I am not human, just their servant." "No one should reach out their hand to help me, I don't want their pity, this is the life I wanted after all" "Suffering and happiness are equals, so there's nothing wrong with living like this"

It's a pride in my own mental illness and suffering, it's a pride that resists change, especially changing for the "better"

Even typing this out makes me a little nauseous cause I'm reaching out for *help* looking to make a *change* to be *better*
It really ticks off all the switches in my head.

I want to know, what's something I can do to break this pride? Then maybe… I'll be able to pursue the kind of life I want.

 

[KillingPain267]

I think what helps is to realize that the self is an illusion. There really is no me, and if there is no me then no words can hurt me because the target (me) doesn't even exist.

 

[BloomingAzaleas]

I think what helps is to realize that the self is an illusion. There really is no me, and if there is no me then no words can hurt me because the target (me) doesn't even exist.

Sounds very buddhist
But I don't think this advice is applicable to the issue, it's not about my pride being wounded, it's about sticking to the illusion of self in the first place, and refusing change.

 

[Shadow_]

You do what you did here. You say that misery is equal to happiness, and you hated reaching out. So be miserable while making those changes. Eventually those actions may become habit, and you won't hate doing it so much. Probably won't even know you're doing it.

 

[BloomingAzaleas]

Follow up on this post

I think I'm starting to take the first steps forward, I feel sick asking for help for my current issue, but I hope this discomfort brings about meaningful change