xkonstantinexx
Member
- Jun 11, 2021
- 78
Hi everyone,
I discovered this community about a year ago, it was around the time the pandemic broke out. I've always thought that my suicidal ideations began only as an adult but only recently discovered with the help of a therapist that my first suicidal thought was when I was 12. It was the upbringing apparently - abusive father, staunch religious environment and the charade of what they called a 'marriage'.
Being in the Asian community and diagnosed with depression makes it harder than it already is because you can never talk about it. Mental health awareness here is almost non-existent and you're just viewed as someone who is 'unable to cope with stress and life's challenges'. It's either that or you're just viewed as a walking hazard and people start keeping their distance. My own father expressed how disappointed he was when he found out that I saw a psychotherapist and for a few days harassed me to not take any of the medication prescribed to me. All I needed, apparently, was a pair of testicles and God.
Lurking through the threads, I felt not alone for the first time. Everyone is openly talking about the same issues that I face. There is no judgement and persecution. I find comfort in the discovery that I am not alone in this world as there are others like me out there. I find peace in the planning and preparation for CTB.
So after a year, here I am, posting my first post (my application also just recently got approved). I want to CTB although I do not know how and when yet. I'm still browsing through the various megathreads that are available here and I'm inclined towards SN but I'm not sure how easy it is to get my hands on the required drugs where I am. A majority of the CTB cases where I come from are jumping from high places which I'm not really in favor of.
Thank you for reading this really long post. I just wanted to introduce myself and I look forward to getting to know everyone!
I discovered this community about a year ago, it was around the time the pandemic broke out. I've always thought that my suicidal ideations began only as an adult but only recently discovered with the help of a therapist that my first suicidal thought was when I was 12. It was the upbringing apparently - abusive father, staunch religious environment and the charade of what they called a 'marriage'.
Being in the Asian community and diagnosed with depression makes it harder than it already is because you can never talk about it. Mental health awareness here is almost non-existent and you're just viewed as someone who is 'unable to cope with stress and life's challenges'. It's either that or you're just viewed as a walking hazard and people start keeping their distance. My own father expressed how disappointed he was when he found out that I saw a psychotherapist and for a few days harassed me to not take any of the medication prescribed to me. All I needed, apparently, was a pair of testicles and God.
Lurking through the threads, I felt not alone for the first time. Everyone is openly talking about the same issues that I face. There is no judgement and persecution. I find comfort in the discovery that I am not alone in this world as there are others like me out there. I find peace in the planning and preparation for CTB.
So after a year, here I am, posting my first post (my application also just recently got approved). I want to CTB although I do not know how and when yet. I'm still browsing through the various megathreads that are available here and I'm inclined towards SN but I'm not sure how easy it is to get my hands on the required drugs where I am. A majority of the CTB cases where I come from are jumping from high places which I'm not really in favor of.
Thank you for reading this really long post. I just wanted to introduce myself and I look forward to getting to know everyone!
