Lonely

[Mental]

I've been a chaotic, messy person lately, like when I was 15.
I stopped burning my skin and dating boys and girls to have sex with them, sometimes I felt like when I was little and my parents didn't protect me.
I'd come home drunk, drugged and sometimes wondering if I was pregnant.
Yes it is true that after this I met someone wonderful, but how long will it take to find out what a monster I am?
I feel like I'm falling into a pit of anguish and despair,I just think about hurting myself, about the people who did it to me and I get angry, because I shouldn't be so bad when I'm 21.

 

[Smart No More]

You're not a monster for doing stupid shit in your youth. What matters is where your heart and priorities sit now. What motivates you? Is it purely selfish or do you consider those around you in your current actions. If you're honest and give as much as receive then you can feel whole in yourself regardless of your past. If you feel like you're burdened by those things from the past look for some way to offset them in a healthy manner. Consider it paying a debt of sort. Pay it forward so to speak. It's a means to gain closure if you're otherwise unable to find it. I hope you find a way through your despair.

 

[thinkkank]

have you talked to your partner about it? they could help

 

[Mental]

have you talked to your partner about it? they could help

No, I haven't talked to him about this, not because I'm afraid he'll judge me, but because I only tell my problems to my therapist