Venting loneliness in school growing up and ptsd?

[KiraComplex]

has anyone else grown up extremely alone? im saying elementary school. having absolutely no one?

i was only bullied a little bit in 2nd grade when i changed schools (got expelled at last school for some psychosis incident lol not elaborating) and it did hurt but i mostly ignored it. i remember just being alone at recess and lunch and sitting on the benches with a book. i remember looking around and seeing people together and playing and chasing and playing soccer. i over heard kids talking about "coming over after school" or asking "whats your club penguin user name?" and i was like.... where am i? why dont i have play dates? wheres my BFF?

a bad memory i had was a girl who asked if i wanted a friendship bracelet and i was so happy. moments later she comes over and asked for it back.

and about the ptsd- i would misbehave and be a little restless and the teacher would put me in an empty room and make me write "i will not _____ ever again" to fill 3 whole pages front and back. i remember the smell and the feel of the paper and the doodles i would draw and the tears dripping on the paper and me ripping it up becuase i was just so angry. i was maybe 5. sometimes i remember the smell and get so fucking angry. i had to sign a birthday card for my relative and my step dad put the card infront of me with a pen and i just had a flash back to sitting in that room and writing on the paper and i had to leave. i was just so fucking upset.

idk lol a rant

 

[Eren]

i remember just being alone at recess and lunch and sitting on the benches with a book. i remember looking around and seeing people together and playing and chasing and playing soccer. i over heard kids talking about "coming over after school" or asking "whats your club penguin user name?" and i was like.... where am i? why dont i have play dates? wheres my BFF?

That's my whole story at school, I'm sorry you feel like that, it's hard.

 

[KiraComplex]

That's my whole story at school, I'm sorry you feel like that, it's hard.

it sucks and even worse to know that others went through this

 

[Worthless_nobody]

Wow I felt like I wrote a lot of that myself. I was always lonely and alone as a kid. Being a only child made it worse. I was picked on and bullied a lot and it fuled my anger. I was the weird outcast girl. I had no friends until another like me joined but it never lasted. I experienced religious abuse in a school where I was inappropriately touched... childhood ptsd is so hard.

I teared up reading your story...breaks my heart lots of us went through this as kids. Childhood trauma and ptsd is so sad..im going through it myself daily. Sending you hugs.