Venting Loneliness, failing marriage & disconnected family unit

[turkishcoffee77]

My loneliness stems from a 27 year old marriage & relationship that has become stale. A lot of bitter resentments from a differing cultural ideology I've struggled to set right. It has estranged my remaining biological family away from me. I'm stuck in the abyss living with hoarding in-laws and a wife of whom I no longer love. Instead, I'm forced to just be 'there' and take care of domestics and buffer fights between my daughter and wife. After work I return to a house of disarray and strangeness which doesn't feel like a home to me anymore. I'm now starting to dissociate my situation onto my other relationships which just 'exist' out of necessity rather than genuity. Apathy is starting to take hold.

In spite of the mounting apathy, it still hurts. I've been a depressive since my early 20s when I first tried to ctb. My then gf (now wife) knew about it but simply went about the business of building her life around me. I'm expected to 'love' her, and be a 'husband' for her sake. When my SI comes up in a conversation, she simply tells me to be quiet and get professional help. Gaslighting and guilt are no exceptions.

It's now become so bad that I've started to set plans into motion, but not on an impulsive level like in my youth. I hurt so much that preparations are unbearably slow, but I don't want to blow it. In the end it'll all be worth it, and I'll finally be at peace.

 

[ManOfTheYear]

Is your life shit cause your family or? Cause I mean there is a lot of other solutions to this other than ending your life. If you are truly hurting over more than just these things, and you know nothing makes you feel this is worth, I hope you find your peace.

 

[leot83]

Same here,y marriage is falling apart and I am lonely. Have also got a chronic illness now and it feels that at 49 I have nothing else to live for.

 

[kouna]

Similar situation.
In process of divorce.
However, our life was pretty good until a series of bad fights in August that lead to my wife asking for divorce.
Now I'm waiting for the legal procedures to be completed and then it's CTB time.

 

[turkishcoffee77]

I'm not even bothering with divorce. Those lawyers and that industry can hose themselves. Outright death to me seems way more sensible, as long as you plan it and make it tidy. If there's was even a feeble glint of building myself a new life, I think the aftermath of a divorce would wear me down enough to snuff it out anyway. My best wishes to you in finding peace, divorce or none

Is your life shit cause your family or? Cause I mean there is a lot of other solutions to this other than ending your life. If you are truly hurting over more than just these things, and you know nothing makes you feel this is worth, I hope you find your peace.

Thank you.