Venting Loneliness Communal Venting Thread

[EmptyBottle]

Funny that I come across this when the loneliness kicks in. I feel old but I know I'm young yet it doesn't feel that way, I feel a lot older than I am. 19 and I'm still alone, wasted my best years doing a bunch of nothing. Let anxiety rule my youth, let myself become a truant because I hated when people looked at me. I hate feeling their eyes on me. Two years ago I thought this loneliness was a lack of love-type of relationship but honestly I don't know. I don't care too much for falling in love with someone and seeing where it leads. Love is something I view to be dangerous, there are a lot of times where I wish I could experience that love again.

Mmm, yep, not having regular in person contacts does feel isolating sometimes.
I also see the risks in love, and have no idea whether the effort (for me) would be worth the result or not.

The love I held for family and friends is something I wish to feel again. i just wish I didn't feel so isolated from them but I know if I tell them how I feel they wouldn't really get it, they have people to call friends, they have support networks. I don't got friends anymore besides my online ones who I play games with. I don't got any real support, I can barely support myself. I'm aware of how contradictory I can be, I hated people looking at me yet I was willing to let them have their way with me just to feel noticed by somebody.

I also spend more time with online friends than in person friends,

There's one fling that's stuck in my head on occasions, he was gentle most times and he often held me close after we were done. It confused me so much...yet I liked that warmth. Nothing ever came from it but it's just a memory that confuses me. Sorry for the long shtick. I'm just tired and want to chat I suppose? I barely speak with my sister's or mom anymore, my mom's even told my sister that I don't got much of a presence even when I'm out there interacting with them. Probably wasn't for my ears but it's kind of comforting. I'd rather know how my mom views me than left thinking she cares about me like how she cares for the others. I should sleep... I hope y'all all get some good rest, I should get mine too.

...and have memories of some friends in the past, would be nice to reconnect to whoever is willing to connect.

Good night, and dw, the message wasn't too long.

 

[frayed]

Whenever I remember how lonely I am, I get a strange feeling. I get very cold and feel completely disconnected from the world. It's a very sad feeling, and no one should have to go through such a terrible thing.

I thought it was just me

 

[Dejected 55]

I am lonely at all times. Sometimes it is almost bearable, most of the time it is not. I'm never not lonely. There are times when I would be fine being alone, everyone needs some amount of alone time for their own sanity and identity... but because I am alone all the time, and never by choice, it makes the times when I could be okay being alone also unbearable because they are not times of my choosing to self-reflect, but imposed alone time because I have no choice in the matter when to take those solitude moments for what they should be.

I have no one to share things with... when an almost good thing happens or I think I have a good idea about something... that impulse to reach out and share with someone close to me, it falls to the ground sadly because I have no one... or the bad times when I need a touch or a shoulder or an empathetic ear... I don't have that either, so I have to handle all the bad things on my own too. And, I so wish I could be someone's shoulder... someone's confidant that she wants to share when something is good in her life too... but I can't be that, give that to anyone because I am always alone.

 

[R. A.]

reporting.

i can probably count on one hand, definitely two, the number of times i've had consensual/non-medical physical contact with another human in the last year. .
that's bad.

i used to get more than than in the span of two fucking days, either being a student, then working with kids, or living with or around friends.

i am a shrivelled empty husk of what remains of a person

 

[Wolf Girl]

I'm never going to be in the kind of relationship I want and it's killing me. SaSu is the only place I can talk about this without it getting downplayed or people making promises that everything will "work out."

I *JUST* want to date someone compatible who is excited to date me. And that just doesn't fucking exist apparently. I want a good morning text. I want someone to be proud of me and that they're dating me. I want to be with a partner I actually find attractive so I don't have to close my eyes during sex. I know all this is unrealistic because I'm not conventionally attractive enough, or financially secure, or successful in any way. It's a contest and I can't compete.

I am rejected by potential dates for my autism (even by other autistic people) and being unable to take the lead in a conversation. I can't count the number of people who message me "hi" with the expectation that I should do all the labor of actually starting and carrying the conversation while they contribute nothing. I no longer reply to hi/hey/what's up/how's your day/etc because it always goes nowhere because those people won't return the effort.

This hurts. This hurts so fucking bad. I know I'll never have what I want or need. I'm so touch-starved. I feel desperate. I want to just fucking run into traffic or jump into the river. I'm so lonely. Why doesn't anyone want to keep me around? I feel worthless. Bone deep worthlessness because no one wants me around.

I'm just good for sex. That's all anybody wants me for.

 

[Cosmophobic]

Having friends that you don't feel close to can be worse than having none at all. I have "friends" and not one of them knows the real me. They wouldn't care to know. I feel more lonely around them than I do by myself. They'll ask "what I've been up to" knowing full well that all I've been up to is fucking existing. Barely. Then they have free reign to just talk about themselves.

I've never had a romantic relationship so that is something I wonder about a lot. Naturally. I try to convinve myself that I'm ok with dying alone, that not every animal can win in the game of attracting a mate, but it still bothers me. If only being able to conceptualize and understand our biological drives made it possible to ignore them. We're as stuck as any other animal is in body determinism we just have the added burden of knowing about it.

 

[Blank_]

Strangely enough, loneliness is the one thing still preventing me from killing myself. I've always imagined that when the time comes, I will have at least a few memories of true friendship and love and warmth to keep me company.

Now that I'm here, I can see that I don't have any at all. There's nothing but the same hollow sadness in the pit of my stomach that I've felt ever since I was a child, and I really, really don't want this to be the very last thing I'll ever feel.

 

[Wolf Girl]

Strangely enough, loneliness is the one thing still preventing me from killing myself. I've always imagined that when the time comes, I will have at least a few memories of true friendship and love and warmth to keep me company.

This is so real. It's so tragic to die without memories or experiences inherent to a fulfilling life. I'm so sorry, Blank.
.


I hate talking to other women and they're like "I keep telling myself I'm gonna stay single for a while, but I just keep getting into relationships wherever I go, teehee!" Like shut the fuck up. Stop rubbing it in.

 

[_Gollum_]

I hate talking to other women and they're like "I keep telling myself I'm gonna stay single for a while, but I just keep getting into relationships wherever I go, teehee!" Like shut the fuck up. Stop rubbing it in.

Boggles my mind that some women are just constantly getting approached (in a positive way) by men in their day-to-day lives, whereas I'm invisible to them. They can't be friends with men because the men will develop feelings for them, I can't be friends with men because I'll develop feelings for them.