Living with ADHD is hell and I want to die

[Deadlyroses]

It's absolute hell. I'm sick and tired of struggling like this. My entire life has been a struggle because of it. Functioning (barely) takes EVERYTHING out of me. Completing basic tasks and remembering basic things takes every bit of effort and strength that I have in me. It's exhausting. I always feel like a stupid and worthless idiot who can't get anything in life right. I'm sick of it.

As if ADHD weren't bad enough, life decided to throw in severe depression and debilitating anxiety into the mix. I hate it here. I hate existing. I find myself disassociating and maladaptive daydreaming more and more. I'm extremely lonely and I feel dead inside. I only find solace in drinking, getting high, and thinking about dying. This world isn't meant for me. It never has been and it never will be.

It's only a matter of time before I catch the bus. I've tried and failed before. It will happen though. It's just a matter of time. I can't keep living like this.

 

[JustAMatterOfTime]

Do you take medicine like Ritalin or something? I read online it can change people's lives with adhd. I do not have that but have OCD and can relate.

 

[Neowise]

I have extreme trouble focusing on things, too. Not sure if I have undiagnosed ADHD though, it might just be my 15 years of depression that are eating me and my brain up from the inside. Either way, I understand how you feel. It hurts every time I finish a task and see others finishing the same task in less time with better results with ease. It really makes me feel like the biggest idiot on earth.
I'm also dissasociating and daydreaming a lot. It's the only place where I am not a complete loser.

This world isn't meant for me. It never has been and it never will be.

 

[Deadlyroses]

Do you take medicine like Ritalin or something? I read online it can change people's lives with adhd. I do not have that but have OCD and can relate.

I take adderall as needed. It helps me focus, but it exacerbates my anxiety to the point where I can't take it daily. It also worsens my insomnia. I've tried other meds and antidepressants and nothing has worked for daily use for me. I don't have it in me to go on yet another scavenger hunt for the right drug cocktail- if it even exists for me. I've accepted that I'm to remain this way until I ctb. I'm sorry you can relate with your OCD. It's all just a nightmare to deal with daily.

I have extreme trouble focusing on things, too. Not sure if I have undiagnosed ADHD though, it might just be my 15 years of depression that are eating me and my brain up from the inside. Either way, I understand how you feel. It hurts every time I finish a task and see others finishing the same task in less time with better results with ease. It really makes me feel like the biggest idiot on earth.
I'm also dissasociating and daydreaming a lot. It's the only place where I am not a complete loser.

I'd get evaluated to confirm it! Helps to make sense of things. You sound like me people just don't understand man. Nobody gets it. Nobody understands how fucking hard it is. It's so frustrating and I wish that we didn't have to suffer this way.

 

[builtwrong]

ADHD has been so trivialized. People don't realize ADHD kills

 

[popcorn]

feel this, i have adhd and was only diagnosed in late adulthood

my life is and always has been a complete mess. my finances are in the bin, years of over drinking and taking drugs, ive had more jobs than years ive been alive from getting fired or just walking out.

ive never finished any degree qualification or vocational course and ive signed up to loads

if i had managed to pull myself together and get a car i probably would have killed myself or someone else....wish badly i could hold my tongue and stop the mood swings, i say vile things to people and lose connections quickly

ive never been able to get my shit together and now im doomed to live a life far below par from what i want

oh well, guess ill zone out and watch YouTube for the next 14 hours before its time to go to sleep

 

[Depressed_Kettle]

ADHD has been so trivialized. People don't realize ADHD kills

Yes, it very much does.

 

[Torold]

From what I understand, ADHD medications seem to affect everyone differently, but I used to be on Adderall (also Vyvanse briefly) and found the same issues with heightened anxiety (as with others in the amphetamine class) though later on switched to the methylphenidate and found a lot more success (also required a lot of lifestyle change which I understand might be too much for most right now). I can definitely relate to that feeling of exhaustion in the search for a perfect drug cocktail, especially since ADHD and depression can effectively put your life on hold. Personally I find the search for working antidepressants to be more frustrating than anything; it's like none of them seem to work for longer than 2 months before the suicidal ideation returns