Life was supposed to be different

[copioushopelessness]

I don't think I'm going to make it much longer. I have so many regrets. A lot of it was out of my control though. Life was supposed to be different. It was supposed to get better but everytime I think it can't get worse it does.
If I don't take my own life very soon I think it's going to end anyway. I'm weak, I'm sick, I'm brain damaged. I have no one. I lost my home. I lost everything.
I wouldn't wish what I was put through on my worst enemy, because my enemy has my kids.
I hope there's peace after this. I wanted to live. I wanted something so much more. I've been suffering for many years because of a monster with no empathy. I protected and forgave someone who couldn't do the same for me.
I have no one. Can someone please say goodbye to me? God have mercy on my soul. If God exists. Nature is beautiful but society isn't. To all the good people out there, I see you. I'm sorry life wasn't as easy as it should have been.

 

[EmptyBottle]

What method r u using, if I may ask? (assuming this is a goodbye thread... it could be a thread about wishing to leave, tho idk)

 

[Hollowman]

My life should've been different too, goodbye.

 

[copioushopelessness]

My life should've been different too, goodbye.

I'm sorry

What method r u using, if I may ask? (assuming this is a goodbye thread... it could be a thread about wishing to leave, tho idk)

I threw away what I could've od'd on. Idk how to replace it. I have no rope, anchor points or knowledge of knots. I've been trying ligature but feel pressure in my head. I'm not sure I'll even survive if I don't do it. I'm getting sicker each day. I need a reliable method.

 

[rustcohle4life]

All our life's should of been different man. Even the people who check all the boxes, wife, kids, good career, were fairly well adjusted and popular in high school, are miserable. This world rarely gives a person everything they need. I'm sorry life hasn't been kind to you. I feel exactly the same way.

But sometimes i sit back and ask myself, do i really want all those things that a "NORMAL" person should have. Not anymore. Who can honestly look at society and say, yeah i want to contribute to this and start a family here. Hell fucking NO. IMO we are the normal ones.

I honestly think this is some sort of prison planet and we are just doing our time until we pass on. We aren't meant to enjoy this. Humanity was a mistake.

 

[DTA]

How about I say "hello" for now. Then we'll say "goodbye" if and when the time comes. I hope you can find some measure of peace, one way or the other. Just know that, at least here, you are not alone.

 

[copioushopelessness]

All our life's should of been different man. Even the people who check all the boxes, wife, kids, good career, were fairly well adjusted and popular in high school, are miserable. This world rarely gives a person everything they need. I'm sorry life hasn't been kind to you. I feel exactly the same way.

But sometimes i sit back and ask myself, do i really want all those things that a "NORMAL" person should have. Not anymore. Who can honestly look at society and say, yeah i want to contribute to this and start a family here. Hell fucking NO. IMO we are the normal ones.

I honestly think this is some sort of prison planet and we are just doing our time until we pass on. We aren't meant to enjoy this. Humanity was a mistake.

I know everyone is miserable but I don't think everyone feels this bad. I know they don't, a lot of people have something to live for or have at least some freedom or independence.
I've lost everything and have been alone for many years. No one, no family or friends. Tragically lost the few people who mattered to me.
Disabled, more than ever, I used to at least be able to care for myself enough to survive. I have multiple autoimmune disorders.
I was put on a psyche med that blocks dopamine and serotonin and gave me a whole new host of debilitating side effects, contributing to the already damaged organs. Damaged my already damaged brain. My brain doesn't work like it used to, I no longer have the imagination to visualize things, dont articulate myself well. I don't retain information I read, which used to be my strong suits, retaining informantion and being creative.
My body shakes like I have parkinsons, my memory is shot. My body failing. I don't drive and have a hard time walking even a few steps.
It's been three almost four decades of one traumatic event after another. I've lost everything. My life has been full of loss but this time it really has reached the limit. This last year has been pure hell. There's been many bad years but this last year has changed everything. I don't look like myself anymore. I look like someone on the way out.
I'm not just miserable, that I'm used to. I'm suffering a lot.
I've been in and out of the hospital. If I even survive I'm heading towards the direction of needing long term care that's probably not available.
I was supposed to get on waitlists for old folks housing developments because people in my condition should have assistance, but I dragged it out for years trying to live independently.
On top of it all I can't sleep, it's not like regular insomnia which I already, it's from the brain damage. When I do finally sleep its moments at a time with very vivid bizarre dreams. It's like I'm never fully unconscious.
I know we are all struggling but the ones who check some of the boxes, I hope they learn to enjoy it before their bodies completely fail.
Long story short, my body and mind have been on the decline for too long but it's happening rapidly now. I fear every moment of suffering. Each moment feels like an eternity of torture. At least I used to have a home.

 

[rustcohle4life]

I know everyone is miserable but I don't think everyone feels this bad. I know they don't, a lot of people have something to live for or have at least some freedom or independence.
I've lost everything and have been alone for many years. No one, no family or friends. Tragically lost the few people who mattered to me.
Disabled, more than ever, I used to at least be able to care for myself enough to survive. I have multiple autoimmune disorders.
I was put on a psyche med that blocks dopamine and serotonin and gave me a whole new host of debilitating side effects, contributing to the already damaged organs. Damaged my already damaged brain. My brain doesn't work like it used to, I no longer have the imagination to visualize things, dont articulate myself well. I don't retain information I read, which used to be my strong suits, retaining informantion and being creative.
My body shakes like I have parkinsons, my memory is shot. My body failing. I don't drive and have a hard time walking even a few steps.
It's been three almost four decades of one traumatic event after another. I've lost everything. My life has been full of loss but this time it really has reached the limit. This last year has been pure hell. There's been many bad years but this last year has changed everything. I don't look like myself anymore. I look like someone on the way out.
I'm not just miserable, that I'm used to. I'm suffering a lot.
I've been in and out of the hospital. If I even survive I'm heading towards the direction of needing long term care that's probably not available.
I was supposed to get on waitlists for old folks housing developments because people in my condition should have assistance, but I dragged it out for years trying to live independently.
On top of it all I can't sleep, it's not like regular insomnia which I already, it's from the brain damage. When I do finally sleep its moments at a time with very vivid bizarre dreams. It's like I'm never fully unconscious.
I know we are all struggling but the ones who check some of the boxes, I hope they learn to enjoy it before their bodies completely fail.
Long story short, my body and mind have been on the decline for too long but it's happening rapidly now. I fear every moment of suffering. Each moment feels like an eternity of torture. At least I used to have a home.

I'm sorry that's happened to you. That level of debilitation is truly horrible. I wish the best for you.