Venting Lied to my husband

[Idontmatter]

I feel so bad. I had to lie to my husband saying I'm going on a work trip the weekend im planning on ctbing. It hurts so much that I had to do that to him. I had to get a story straight so that it didn't look suspicious when I left on the 5th. I just feel guilty that I can't tell him the truth. My heartaches for what he is about to go through after I'm gone but this is my only option left. This is why I feel like a horrible person. Im ready to ctb but I feel guilty for leaving my husband like that. Fuck it's going to be an emotional 2 weeks. I hope he won't hate me.

 

[honir]

If it is not so much to ask, you feel guilty about leaving your husband. What made you want to ctb in the first place? is he the cause? or have you tried opening up to him and maybe he could say something about it? really confused with this.

 

[eternalflame]

Can you try medication?

 

[Idontmatter]

If it is not so much to ask, you feel guilty about leaving your husband. What made you want to ctb in the first place? is he the cause? or have you tried opening up to him and maybe he could say something about it? really confused with this.

It's treatment resistant depression. I've tried pretty everything under the sun. I've been suicidal for years. He knows I'm suicidal.

Can you try medication?

I've tried tons of medications

 

[eternalflame]

What if your husband follows you in death? Do you have children?
What is your method?

 

[Idontmatter]

I'm not sure what he will do after I'm gone. We have no kids

What if your husband follows you in death? Do you have children?
What is your method?

My method is sn

 

[eternalflame]

Don't leave your husband if you feel guilty. I can't leave my family for now. Also i think you DO matter even if you feel you don't.

 

[Shepherd's boy]

If he truly loves you, everything will be alright. I know how painful it can be. Sorry. I hope you find peace.

 

[FuneralCry]

I cannot imagine how hard it must be, being in that situation. Life is just so cruel. I hope that you find relief from your suffering.

 

[hellispink]

I feel like if there is guilt and/or doubt, it might be necessary to consider everything in detail. Does he count with friends family or an adequate support system he can count with after you decide? Could there be other options if medication or therapy didn't work? I hope you find some answers and relief in whatever decision you make.

 

[Idontmatter]

Don't leave your husband if you feel guilty. I can't leave my family for now. Also i think you DO matter even if you feel you don't.

I'm still going to ctb , for a list of reasons. He will have a letter that I'm going to write explaining everything

 

[Euthanza]

I know it's hard for both you and your husband, dilemmas whichever path you choose; but because this is the matter of end of life, I think it's the time to put yourself first before anyone, everything has an end and it's now your end. It's not wise to force you to go through so much pain that only you can feel it for the sake of anyone else's well being, including your loved ones.

Yes, your husband must grieve then, he can be in shock, terrify, feeling loss and cheated etc all negative feelings; think that your husband is a responsible adult he will survive his love for himself and you. He must also think of your well being. Will he be glad to know you're at peace? Will he let you go if he knows you're no longer suffering? He may accept your decision and still love you the way you are.

Please don't take my words as encouragement for you to CTB; This is to tell that you have support which ever decision you take, there's no right or wrong here, there is no single "right" way to grieve and it's very humane to deal with it, it is life and death as it is; It just have to be accepted. After all, acceptance is great friend of mental health.

Let yourself feel the moment and express it to your loved one, don't mask it too much so you can't be seen as yourself again. It's also important to leave a closure so your husband can cope in a healthy way.

Life's a ride, you can change anytime you want.

 

[QuietEnd]

If your willing to try one last thing I have a recommendation you could try. Both my partner and I, especially my partner have medication resistant medication and found natural tinctures that really work. It was a random worth a try experiment for us last year.

Is there anything that prevents you talking with your husband about your choice?

I hope you find peace.

 

[Idontmatter]

I feel like if there is guilt and/or doubt, it might be necessary to consider everything in detail. Does he count with friends family or an adequate support system he can count with after you decide? Could there be other options if medication or therapy didn't work? I hope you find some answers and relief in whatever decision you make.

I've tried different treatments other than meds and therapy including staying in a mental facility. I'm ready to ctb now. It is time.

I know it's hard for both you and your husband, dilemmas whichever path you choose; but because this is the matter of end of life, I think it's the time to put yourself first before anyone, everything has an end and it's now your end. It's not wise to force you to go through so much pain that only you can feel it for the sake of anyone else's well being, including your loved ones.

Yes, your husband must grieve then, he can be in shock, terrify, feeling loss and cheated etc all negative feelings; think that your husband is a responsible adult he will survive his love for himself and you. He must also think of your well being. Will he be glad to know you're at peace? Will he let you go if he knows you're no longer suffering? He may accept your decision and still love you the way you are.

Please don't take my words as encouragement for you to CTB; This is to tell that you have support which ever decision you take, there's no right or wrong here, there is no single "right" way to grieve and it's very humane to deal with it, it is life and death as it is; It's just have to be accepted. After all, acceptance is great friend of mental health.

Let yourself feel the moment and express it to your loved one, don't mask it too much so you can't be seen as yourself again. It's also important to leave a closure so your husband can cope in a healthy way.

Life's a ride, you can change anytime you want.

I agree with you and I've already decided that. I'm putting myself first and going through with it. My husband will have a letter written to him explaining everything. I'm a way it won't be a big surprise because he knows I'm suicidal. I just had to vent this morning to get my feelings out. I think after sometime he will understand. He will have a good support system because his sisters live by us and his mother will be over as soon as they find out. They will comfort him during his grieving.

If your willing to try one last thing I have a recommendation you could try. Both my partner and I, especially my partner have medication resistant medication and found natural tinctures that really work. It was a random worth a try experiment for us last year.

Is there anything that prevents you talking with your husband about your choice?

I hope you find peace.

I've talked with him about me wanting to die and he wants me to keep trying everything I've already tried that didn't work. My motivation to live is gone.

 

[QuietEnd]

I wish you the greatest peace.

 

[Idontmatter]

I've postponed ctbing several times so I could try and fight but now I literally have no fight left in me. I know many people won't understand that but it's just something I have to finally do. If a miracle happens and I get better in the next 2 weeks I'll delay it again but right now it's going to happen.

 

[eternalflame]

I see. Hope you will get better.