NSFW Letting people use you in order to feel wanted

[PenPen<3]

Does anyone else let people, specifically romantic interests, mistreat them or ignore aspects of them if it means they can feel loved? I feel like the past two situationships I've been in were huge red flags, but I've kinda ignored them because I like being seen. I always ignore the damage to myself because the alternative is that I feel like I have nobody.

I'm curious to hear peoples opinions and experiences, and I'll share mine:

I met someone about two weeks ago and was helping them get through a breakup. They clearly had a habit of getting in and out of relationships often, which isn't really for me since my last relationship was April 2025. They started flirting with me and I kind of just accepted it even though I knew it might not be a very long-lasting relationship. He ended up randomly telling me he had feelings for someone else and that he wouldn't pursue either of us, but offered to be friends with benefits. I accepted, though I've always been a bit uncomfortable with sex. Eventually he started being romantic with me again and I let myself get attached, because I just wanted someone to love me. Shortly after he told me that another girl asked him out and that we had to stop what we were doing. I blocked him after that. It was a short thing so I wasn't too upset, I just felt very replaceable.

The same day I blocked that guy (last night), I met a trans girl online. She was super flirty immediately and I didn't want to feel unloved especially after getting rejected that same day so I flirted back and we ended up sexting. I kept telling her I wouldn't send nudes because I wanted to save it for when I could trust her more, but she convinced me to send them anyways. Over the course of a few hours I started sending more and more of whatever she asked for. I've always told myself that I'm not a lustful person, but last night I was doing a lot of stuff I feel guilty for. I definitely enjoyed it, but I feel like it can't end well. And I know she only cares about my body. She isn't doing anything wrong, I just feel bad for living such a hedonistic life instead of going out and dating people. I'm trying not to jinx it, but I can't see this ending well for me. I don't know if she likes honest communication or romance at all.

I told her pretty outright during some of our conversations that I didn't care if she mistreated me a little bit, as long as she took care of me. I want to believe that other people on this forum experience similar things. I think love is a very beautiful thing, but I keep putting myself into the kind of love that I doubt the strength of. I just feel like when a person has a rare good quality I justify it. With the first guy it was because he was so communicative, and with this girl it's because she's gorgeous.

I guess this kinda more of a vent sorry ^-^ but I'm still curious if anyone experiences similar things. It's obviously very isolating so I think it might feel better to hear that I'm not alone at least in this experience.

 

[Dejected 55]

I understand how being lonely can make you do things if you think you even have a chance to not be alone.

At the same time. It's really frustrating for other lonely people to see how they are constantly ignored while people will accept being used to not be alone. I mean, consider yourself... if you're feeling lonely and want to be loved and you get rejected by someone who goes and lets themselves be abused by another person, and you know you'd never abuse them like that... doesn't that make your own loneliness worse?

Not judging... just saying its sort of like when an oppressed minority themselves has prejudice against another oppressed minority and you sit there thinking those two should support each other because they know how bad the oppression is... so why are they hurting each other instead of helping.

There are always going to be people willing to exploit you if you allow them to do so. And by "allow" I'm not saying you ask for or deserve it... I'm just saying if someone does use you or abuse you and you excuse them or try to stay with them, that's how they get away with it.

 

[4colliez]

Yeah I used to do it a lot it stopped because I got better and then got into a "healthy relationship" but now that it's over I'm back to this being the only way I feel worth something.
I don't let it get that far and I'd say I actually don't enjoy it at all I just like feeling like I'm wanted. When people are nice to me it makes me feel off which is why I tell myself I need to find people who don't care about me as a person so I don't feel too bad about indulging.

I'm doing pretty okay right now concerning this like I haven't done anything stupid (yet) but it's something I think about doing constantly. I understand you

 

[PenPen<3]

Yeah I used to do it a lot it stopped because I got better and then got into a "healthy relationship" but now that it's over I'm back to this being the only way I feel worth something.
I don't let it get that far and I'd say I actually don't enjoy it at all I just like feeling like I'm wanted. When people are nice to me it makes me feel off which is why I tell myself I need to find people who don't care about me as a person so I don't feel too bad about indulging.

I'm doing pretty okay right now concerning this like I haven't done anything stupid (yet) but it's something I think about doing constantly. I understand you

I relate sm to feeling off when people are nice to me
its very easy to overthink

 

[tomame]

been objectified since a kid. so i nearly expect, project, or manifest it anyway.

bpd doesn't make it any easier.

i hate it

 

[WrathfulGloom32]

I do not because I can't feel loved or appreciated by people who I could never love or appreciate in return.

This is the only way to escape this cycle.

 

[deny_conformity]

I put up with a lot of emotional abuse from my ex-wife because I was desperate not to feel completely alone and isolated. In the end she did me a favour and ended things after she started a new relationship with someone else.

I was having a discussion with a therapist and I feel like I expect people to treat me like crap because it feels comfortable and I don't know how to feel loved. I guess a childhood of emotional neglect made me into a dysfunctional adult.

I just want to be in a situation where I feel loved and cared for.

 

[PenPen<3]

I put up with a lot of emotional abuse from my ex-wife because I was desperate not to feel completely alone and isolated. In the end she did me a favour and ended things after she started a new relationship with someone else.

I was having a discussion with a therapist and I feel like I expect people to treat me like crap because it feels comfortable and I don't know how to feel loved. I guess a childhood of emotional neglect made me into a dysfunctional adult.

I just want to be in a situation where I feel loved and cared for.

I'm very young (18) but I think I can somewhat relate to expecting people to treat you like crap. I used to ask my first boyfriend to say horribly rude things to me and I never really knew why, it just felt normal or right? Sorta like it quieted some noise in my head.

I also just want to feel loved and cared for, I really want a healthy relationship with someone I love, I just assume it's impossible so I don't wait for the right person (though I know it's very possible deep down). I'm trying to feel more secure about that so I wish us both luck in finding genuine love ^^

 

[deny_conformity]

I'm very young (18) but I think I can somewhat relate to expecting people to treat you like crap. I used to ask my first boyfriend to say horribly rude things to me and I never really knew why, it just felt normal or right? Sorta like it quieted some noise in my head.

I also just want to feel loved and cared for, I really want a healthy relationship with someone I love, I just assume it's impossible so I don't wait for the right person (though I know it's very possible deep down). I'm trying to feel more secure about that so I wish us both luck in finding genuine love ^^

I've never asked anyone to treat me like crap or say nasty things to me, I just seem to attract people that do (or maybe my shitty personality brings it out in people). My ex-wife was very dismissive of my interests and used to make snippy little comments about things all the time. I'm far from perfect with a lovely interplay of bipolar and CPTSD currently leaving me curled up in bed wishing I could go to sleep and not wake up.

Don't let anyone treat you like crap, I don't know you at all but you deserve better, everyone does.

I hope you find someone who will treat with the love and respect you deserve.

 

[PenPen<3]

I've never asked anyone to treat me like crap or say nasty things to me, I just seem to attract people that do (or maybe my shitty personality brings it out in people). My ex-wife was very dismissive of my interests and used to make snippy little comments about things all the time. I'm far from perfect with a lovely interplay of bipolar and CPTSD currently leaving me curled up in bed wishing I could go to sleep and not wake up.

Don't let anyone treat you like crap, I don't know you at all but you deserve better, everyone does.

I hope you find someone who will treat with the love and respect you deserve.

Thank you I really hope the same for you <3

 

[byec560]

Thank you I really hope the same for you <3

I think it's normal (which doesn't mean not traumatic) to go through a couple of really shitty relationships when you're your age. I think a lot of teenagers don't know how to set boundaries yet, and women haven't fully realized their worth yet. I hope that as you get older you can find people who treat you better. My honest advice is to find LGBT communities where you fit in because they're almost always looking for people who are part of the club lol.

(Not to sound like a condescending old dude)