It all seems so dull now. I don't want to ctb (at least, not actively) 24/7. But there are moments, waves if you will, where I want nothing more then to be gone. I've managed to push those urges off for the longest time, telling myself over and over "oh, I don't have stuff in place, I need to write a note, blah blah blah." I've had a prolonged wave the last couple of days, everything is together now. The next spiral will be out. I don't expect to see my next birthday, and I don't want ppl ik to be sad…but at the same time it's strangely freeing.
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