“Kids in Africa have it worse”

[WitheringAway]

As you can imagine how infuriating it was to hear that from my "best friend" after a 2+ hrs of ranting and crying. All she could console me with was "people in Africa wish to have what you have" now I can't resonate with such a high level of ignorance. Of course I regret the decision to talk. NOBODY.GETS.IT!!!

 

[mahakaliSS_MahaDurga]

I've heard something similar a few times. "At least you don't live in a slum in Somalia."

 

[WitheringAway]

I've heard something similar a few times. "At least you don't live in a slum in Somalia."

Dumb dumb dumbbbbbb makes my blood boil

 

[StringPuppet]

knowing other people are suffering makes me feel even worse

 

[mahakaliSS_MahaDurga]

Dumb dumb dumbbbbbb makes my blood boil

"There are many people who would want to have your life" is another one of my favorites.

 

[All washed up]

As you can imagine how infuriating it was to hear that from my "best friend" after a 2+ hrs of ranting and crying. All she could console me with was "people in Africa wish to have what you have" now I can't resonate with such a high level of ignorance. Of course I regret the decision to talk. NOBODY.GETS.IT!!!

I know it's an unhelpful comment re Africa but 2 + hours ranting and crying is a lot.
She seems like a good friend to me.

 

[fixitinpost]

I can definitely relate. It sucks. This is how my mother responded most of the times I came to her in need of support. "It wasn't easy for me growing up you know. We didn't have everything you have now" and stuff about less fortunate children.

It's meant to make you appreciate the things you have, but all it does is make you feel ashamed for being sad etc.

 

[WitheringAway]

I know it's an unhelpful comment re Africa but 2 + hours ranting and crying is a lot.
She seems like a good friend to me.

She IS a good friend. Just because she said something stupid doesn't mean I was insinuating she was bad or whatever. Merely stating how annoying it was to hear such a comment.

 

[demuic]

There are plenty of people in Africa who live perfectly decent and happy lives, with families and friends, even if they don't have all the material things thought necessary in many societies. Also, nobody who says this kind of thing seems to worry about the starving people in their own country.

 

[waterstrider]

I hate that stupid argument so much.
I live with chronic back pain and whenever I'm out with my family and we pass sb in a wheel chair my dad tells me "oh look, don't complain - at least you're not in a wheel chair"

There is always sb who will have it "worse"...your pain and suffering is valid nevertheless and you deserve to be heard

 

[signifying nothing]

Sounds like lots of learning for you both about each other.

 

[xLosthopex]

Tell me about it ugh
As someone with Anorexia, I've heard the "starving kids in Africa" line a million times...

 

[WitheringAway]

I hate that stupid argument so much.
I live with chronic back pain and whenever I'm out with my family and we pass sb in a wheel chair my dad tells me "oh look, don't complain - at least you're not in a wheel chair"

There is always sb who will have it "worse"...your pain and suffering is valid nevertheless and you deserve to be heard

I'm sorry you have to deal with a chronic pain.. It must be difficult to hear that constantly from them. Its good to recognize other people's suffering as a human but your own suffering is just as valid. Pointless comparison. Encouraging people to think about the less fortunate to feel better about their situation is just a dumb argument.

 

[All washed up]

Well we are better off than 'starving kids in Africa' but we are not better off than 'people in Africa' .
Not that either comparison is helpful if you're suicidal

 

[ecmnesia]

As you can imagine how infuriating it was to hear that from my "best friend" after a 2+ hrs of ranting and crying. All she could console me with was "people in Africa wish to have what you have" now I can't resonate with such a high level of ignorance. Of course I regret the decision to talk. NOBODY.GETS.IT!!!

i mean it's not a competition.

she is just stupid, sorry you had to hear that. all suffering is valid and worth attention.

 

[Deleted member 23586]

For one, this pisses me off because it totally forgets the people in every country suffering as if suffering can only be found in one area. Also we don't have to play suffrage olympics to care about our own or someone elses pain. It dismisses and invalidates peoples pain in favor of making it seem like your pain doesn't pass this imaginary test that if you dont hit, then you can't care. People need more empathy.

 

[MrBlue]

People tend to forget that the quality of your life isn't just measured in amenities and how much you can consume/buy easily. You might live in a poorer but more community focused environment and feel valued far more than someone economically better off but completely alone or dissatified emotionally.

Especially when everyone is connected digitally most are undervalued in work/friendships/relationships because they are compared to everyone within the population by others, and not just what they can achieve within/for the immediate community.

It's not a competition, and others pain shouldn't dismiss yours in the same way your pain doesn't change how much they struggle. I hope you can find people that you can talk to and be supported by, either on here or IRL OP, you deserve help as much as anyone else. :)

 

[Sensei]

All she could console me with was "people in Africa wish to have what you have"!

Do people in Africa wish to be depressed and suicidal? But seriously, standard of living doesn't automatically decide whether you will be depressed and suicidal or not. Wealthy and successful people commit suicide too.

 

[Brick In The Wall]

"people in Africa wish to have what you have"

There are people in Africa who also have it better than most. Africa is a rather large continent so it's pretty dumb to make this generalization. Rich, Middle class, and Poor/starving people exist in every country.

Do people in Africa wish to be depressed and suicidal? But seriously, standard of living doesn't automatically decide whether you will be depressed and suicidal or not. Wealthy and successful people commit suicide too.

Also this.

 

[HenryHobkins]

People in impoverished countries generally have lower suicide rates, because they have to worry about putting food on the table and taking care of their families or else they die, this is literally their purpose in life. For many of us in the modern world it feels like we have no purpose

 

[All washed up]

People in impoverished countries generally have lower suicide rates, because they have to worry about putting food on the table and taking care of their families or else they die, this is literally their purpose in life. For many of us in the modern world it feels like we have no purpose

This is an interesting point. Personally I feel I've absolutely no purpose at all and am bored out of my mind, but food, shelter etc. are no problem, though I realise not everyone in richer countries has this relative luxury.
I do wonder though if suicide rates are massively under reported in some poorer countries perhaps for cultural, legal reasons etc.
Also people tend to die on average a lot younger in many poor countries so less time to ctb.
Myself at 55 now if I live an average lifespan I've still got 25/30 years to go. Which is a factor in my ctb thoughts
But in some poorer countries the average would only give me another 5/10 years, I could probably manage that

 

[AllReturnsToNothing]

This is such a fucking insidious method of deflection of other people's feelings. Plus I'm so sick and tired of living in this "it could be worse" culture. Because, spoiler alert, if all everybody ever does is twiddle their thumbs and say "it could be worse", then surprise! It will get worse! Worse than you can even imagine! This kinda shit helps nobody. It doesn't help anyone on the individual level, it doesn't help on a societal level, it doesn't help you or me, and it sure as hell doesn't help kids in Somalia or anywhere else where there's human suffering to be found (not to mention dehumanizing other people by comparing their suffering, kinda a dick move if you ask me).

 

[LastFlowers]

Most of the people who use that phrase have it way better than the people they are using it on.

I know it's an unhelpful comment re Africa but 2 + hours ranting and crying is a lot.
She seems like a good friend to me.

That is a lot? All things considered, I disagree. We are on SS, after all.
Not sure what part of OP's post shows that their friend is a good one. Just because she sat on the phone for two hours doesn't make her a good friend, especially if the take away was twisted or minimized enough to cause her to say the good ol' 'kids in Africa' statement.

 

[noaccount]

 

[esse_est_percipi]

Such a response betrays a total lack of understanding of human psychology, mental illness, of the alienating and depersonalizing effects of life in modern societies, and the nature of suffering in general (which is not predicated on geographical location or age).

 

[Ghost2211]

It's never right to invalidate anyone's suffering, and saying how others have it have it so much worse is doing just that. It's insensitive and unkind.

 

[esse_est_percipi]

"There are many people who would want to have your life" is another one of my favorites.

The one making such a judgment is doing so from a doubly ignorant viewpoint: ignorant not only of what 'your life' is actually like subjectively, but also ignorant of how the 'many people' experience the world who supposedly 'want to have your life'.

It's like a blind man telling a person x that their experience of the color green is not as green an another person y's experience of the color green.

 

[_Kaira_]

Ah yes.

Practically starving isn't my idea of a fun time. But neither is living a life of abuse and torment by those that are supposed to protect us.

I don't get why we still live in a world that invalidates suffering.
Are we not individuals with our own varying levels of tolerance when it comes to mental and physical pain?

 

[Amumu]

That would literally mean that we could find happiness in other people's misery, and that's a pretty dumb idea.

 

[Nymph]

oof, heard this way to many times. Sorry:(
There's always someone who has it worse but also someone who has it better:/