Help Keeping a secret from everyone that I'm a NEET dropout

[sheburnedmedown]

I lied to everyone about finishing highschool and aiming for university when i haven't even finished highschool yet. No one knows except my direct family. It's been going on for few years now and i feel disgusting amount of shame and guilt everytime and yet It is not enough for me to actually do something about my situation. I am too comfortable with where I am to the point i panic when it's anything different. I am extremely afraid of people because i feel like they'll find out about me, especially people my age. It has hindered every aspect of my life and led me down deep depression and self isolation. My situation feels hopeless and I am too afraid to do anything and because this type of thing is not the first time it has happened. As a kid i used to avoid school so much that my parents would exchange schools alot due to my absentees and even now they've completely given up on me. I feel like even if i tried to do anything I'd repeat the same patterns. I feel like a hopeless case.

 

[sheburnedmedown]

Please I'd really appreciate some advice

 

[baeblade]

Hello, I'm in a similar situation as you. Finished highschool only by cheating, couldn't get into uni, avoided every single person in my life, became isolated and all of that. Tried doing better, repeated the same patterns. As of recently I just realized that every time I attempt to get my life together, I am making the tiniest bit of progress. I still haven't succeeded, I'm still broke and friendless, and I know that being okay with my own existence will take me about ten times more effort than a normal person. But I already want to die, what could be worse? So I'm still trying.
I think you should be just be honest with everyone. Just be fully upfront about who you are. There will be a lot of judgement, and there will be a lot of freedom. You need get rid of that shame you are feeling first, and then start working on everything else. I've met people who are considered completely useless by society - addicts, mentally ill, unemployed, uneducated - and I never thought of them as worthless, and I loved them. There are more people like me in the world than you think.

I hope everything goes well for you

 

[sheburnedmedown]

Hello, I'm in a similar situation as you. Finished highschool only by cheating, couldn't get into uni, avoided every single person in my life, became isolated and all of that. Tried doing better, repeated the same patterns. As of recently I just realized that every time I attempt to get my life together, I am making the tiniest bit of progress. I still haven't succeeded, I'm still broke and friendless, and I know that being okay with my own existence will take me about ten times more effort than a normal person. But I already want to die, what could be worse? So I'm still trying.
I think you should be just be honest with everyone. Just be fully upfront about who you are. There will be a lot of judgement, and there will be a lot of freedom. You need get rid of that shame you are feeling first, and then start working on everything else. I've met people who are considered completely useless by society - addicts, mentally ill, unemployed, uneducated - and I never thought of them as worthless, and I loved them. There are more people like me in the world than you think.

I hope everything goes well for you

But how? I've been lying to them for years and it's not some average secret it's like a serious thing. I don't think i can ever be honest, hell I'm not even honest to the people i chatted with online out of shame idk how i can honest to my relatives of all people.

 

[Carrot]

It is not going to get easier if you wait. It will be more difficult in 2 weeks, or 3 months or 5 years.

Do anything. Go back to school, check if you can somehow be homwschooled or whatever it's called or what the options are. Or get some job, any job. You can pursue other things eventuslly, but you need to do something.

And don't self-sabotage yourself. It's easy to pretend you tried, oh well didn't work, and go back to your comfy way of living. It's temporary, living on borrowed time and still stressful since you know it will end at some point, but it's comfy for now.

There are truly evil people out there. And people who struggling and bullying or lashing out on others.
People may make fun of you for not trying. So you try.
People may make fun of you for trying.
So be it. Some people are rude. There are ways to deal with that kind of people, but ultimately you are trying to do something good and they are making fun of you. So they are in the wrong.

 

[baeblade]

But how? I've been lying to them for years and it's not some average secret it's like a serious thing. I don't think i can ever be honest, hell I'm not even honest to the people i chatted with online out of shame idk how i can honest to my relatives of all people.

Do you have anything to lose? The longer you keep hiding things, the harder it will get to tell the truth. You won't find the right words, you won't be able to explain everything single thing you are feeling, you will get judged. You won't immediately become perfect, you may feel even worse about yourself, but it will be your first step in the right direction. I don't know how your relationships are, but if these people love you, they will eventually come to understand.

 

[LilGhost]

I lied to everyone about finishing highschool and aiming for university when i haven't even finished highschool yet. No one knows except my direct family. It's been going on for few years now and i feel disgusting amount of shame and guilt everytime and yet It is not enough for me to actually do something about my situation. I am too comfortable with where I am to the point i panic when it's anything different. I am extremely afraid of people because i feel like they'll find out about me, especially people my age. It has hindered every aspect of my life and led me down deep depression and self isolation. My situation feels hopeless and I am too afraid to do anything and because this type of thing is not the first time it has happened. As a kid i used to avoid school so much that my parents would exchange schools alot due to my absentees and even now they've completely given up on me. I feel like even if i tried to do anything I'd repeat the same patterns. I feel like a hopeless case.

I believe studying online might help. Me and my direct family had to flee my country and I ended up finishing last grade online. It was chill. I don't know where are you from, but I believe most countries has online schools, you can even aim on those that has no classes and only homework and tests. If having to talk to people is the only issue, that might be your solution. Also, you can get homeschooled (dunno how it will work in your case, in some its just giving them set amount of homework and did some tests)

For future you might want to start taking anxiety meds. College will be chill, trust me. My program had age range from 18-42 or some bs like that. Also, if you scared anyone will find out, blame your health. Mental health is also health so you won't be lying. Like "why the fuck are you still in high school" and you can just say "I had to put my education on pause due to health issues", now they'll be dicks if ask further questions

If the other problem that you are academically unsuccessful- in my experience, most students cheat in school. It's better not to do so in field where you are planning to get your degree (if you are), but there is no big harm in getting help everywhere else (especially in a case like yours). Sure, I don't condone cheating, but yk, if you aren't planning to be someone like bioenergeticist, you'll be fine not knowing that mitochondria is a powerhouse of cell. Sure if one day you'll get curious, libraries are free, but you should really focused on getting basic education you can

You might also want to check for a chance of having a mental disability. It's a fact that not all people are able to work and government has to provide for those that can't.
Good luck to you anyway. And remember: capitalism wants you to think that everyone has to have same capabilities, but that's not true. Some people need more help than others. Some are more able. Some people learn faster than others, while others take their time. There is no shame in that.

You already have value just because you breathe. You matter, as well as others. Those who think they can shame you for your capacity- misinformed and ignorant. W for surviving so far, fellow human