Venting just wanna get it out

[spoonandforks]

this is gonna sound like a whole guilt trippy pity party im apologizing now

when my mental health got really fucking bad I genuinely wanted to die. I didn't care about life, I didn't care about how it would affect my family, I didn't rlly care about anything. I didn't want to get better I just wanted it done. but now that I've dealt with some stuff and been hospitalized a fuck ton I do kinda wanna live. like I wanna do and see so many things and stuff like that but I still think I should die because I'm a horrible fucking person. just all the stuff I've put my loved ones through and made them feel, the stuff my mother has done for me and will continue to do for me. it would be so much better if I weren't here. I'm a horrible friend idk why they stayed and put up with me for so long. if I ended it my friends and family would be sad for a bit im sure but they'd get over it eventually. you can get over anything if you give it time. and even if I weren't a bad person whats the point in sticking around anyway. everytime I talk to my friends, no matter what I say, I always think right after that they hate me or that im a horrible person or smth along the lines of all this lol. qnd all I've been feeling the past few months is just anger abt literally everything. I hate feeling like this. i feel pathetic and disgusting I just shouldn't be here. I wish my brain had an off button lmao

 

[FuneralCry]

It sounds like you are suffering a lot. Living can be very painful as our thoughts can torture us. It really can be so awful being alive and I'm sorry that you feel this way. I wish you the best in whatever happens.

 

[CommitSudoku]

It's painful dealing with thoughts like these constantly, I'm sorry you're going through that. I've also considered in the past that it would be better for everyone if I left. I still somewhat feel this way, but now I just want to leave for myself. It would be nice if we could just turn our brains off. If there are things you want to do/see though I hope you can follow through with them. Only you know how much you can take though. Best wishes whatever you decide to do.