Venting just venting sorry

[eternaltroubador]

I hate myself so much. I feel so guilty for what I've done with my life. I had so many opportunities, I managed to get good grades through high school and my freshman year of college but starting when covid hit my mental health declined rapidly and my anxiety started to steadily amp up. In the end, I succumbed. I stopped attending classes. I failed all of them last semester. I just didn't want to have to get up and do anything. When my family thought I was in class and doing homework, i was just in bed all day getting high or drunk or both and trying to sleep away as much of the day as I could. No one knows about this. No one. Not my parents, or brother, or friends, or girlfriend. None of them know the state I'm in. I'm so ashamed to be around my family that I make up having plans just to be out of the house. I actually just read or sleep in my car or walk for miles back and forth on the same stupid trail because I'm restless. But never anything productive. I'm not progressing toward anything. I've told so many lies I'm living as a character I constructed because I'm afraid of them knowing the truth. I just don't see the point in trying to fight it any more. I'm just sick of this life, and I want out. I'm too anxious and depressed to function, and I can't live to be the disappointment I've become.

 

[paininme]

Sorry you are feeling this way covid messed up so much didn't it, feel free to vent I am always willing to listen though I'm probably no help in my current mood

 

[whywere]

I can understand why you are so depressed. I too, even at the ripe old age of 64, am just spinning my wheels. Now 1st and foremost PLEASE remember that you have ALL of us here as part of your global family. 2nd you are NOT a disappointment at all, NEVER! You are a warm, thoughtful, look how your wrote your post, and caring person. All the sunny warm days at the beach with a cold drink in hand goes out to you my global family member!!!

 

[WornOutLife]

I'm so sorry you're feeling like this, bro.
We've been chatting a bit today and you're really a nice guy. Hope we can keep on talking before you make decision whether to ctb or not and remember: no matter what you decide, you just gotta be 100% sure.

Hugs and love,

Matt

 

[eternaltroubador]

I can understand why you are so depressed. I too, even at the ripe old age of 64, am just spinning my wheels. Now 1st and foremost PLEASE remember that you have ALL of us here as part of your global family. 2nd you are NOT a disappointment at all, NEVER! You are a warm, thoughtful, look how your wrote your post, and caring person. All the sunny warm days at the beach with a cold drink in hand goes out to you my global family member!!!

I'm sorry for the late response, but i just wanted to let you know that this reply meant a lot to me. i appreciate the support