Just tested my setup for partial

[cemetorium]

I don't have a set date or anything for when I'll actually do it atm but with how bleak my future is looking I have a feeling it'll be this year, so I wanted to "test" if my planned setup would even work or not. I tied my rope to my doorknob and kneeled on the floor, put the end with the slipknot around my neck and adjusted the length of the rope so it wouldn't be so long and leaned forward. I had to adjust the slipknot end a bit before it started to feel like it was working but when it did start to work I started to feel lightheaded and it felt like my head was going to explode. I'm not great at explaining things but it did feel like I might lose consciousness had I kept it around my neck for a bit longer. I took it off once that feeling that I might black out soon started. I don't want to CTB right here right now, just soon enough that I want to make sure it'll work.

I have marks on my neck now from this that I covered up with concealer so people won't suspect anything. Sorry if my writing or explanation of how it felt it sounds off. I'm still a bit lightheaded

I feel more at peace knowing I might actually have a way to leave now. I would still greatly prefer to go with SN (or N...) but I've given up on that because it's virtually impossible to find a source that ships to my country

 

[FuneralCry]

Hanging sounds like such an unpleasant way to go. I wish we lived in a world where our right to die is respected and then we could just exit peacefully when the time is right for us. I'm sorry for all the suffering that has brought you to this point. I can imagine that it must be a relief to feel more at peace with everything. I wish you the best in whatever happens.

 

[cemetorium]

Hanging sounds like such an unpleasant way to go. I wish we lived in a world where our right to die is respected and then we could just exit peacefully when the time is right for us. I'm sorry for all the suffering that has brought you to this point. I can imagine that it must be a relief to feel more at peace with everything. I wish you the best in whatever happens.

Thank you.... I hope partial will work for me but if my actual attempts fail I think I'll go with full hanging which sounds even more painful.... Hopefully partial will be enough for me to leave once the time comes