just ordered sn

[ih34rty0u]

i ordered it from a company in my own country and im so scared. what if it gets cancelled or they will report it somewhere, since more people are starting to realize it's being used to ctb?
i don't know what to do with myself now. i only had the courage to do it because my best friend just ended our relationship yesterday. i just hope ordering sn won't cause me any more problems.

 

[TBONTB]

I'm sorry about your friend, sounds really painful. How are you doing today?

 

[ih34rty0u]

I'm sorry about your friend, sounds really painful. How are you doing today?

thank you so much for you asking. i still don't feel well, i cried almost all the way to my apartment today. im starting a new university in a few days and its gonna be extremely hard without the only person that used to care about me. i guess that's what finally pushed me to order sn, even though i've always felt really scared to actually ctb. i wonder how i feel about it if the product actually arrives. once again, thank you for your kind words.

 

[LighthouseHermit]

Losing a friend is devastating

Hope everything goes well with the order. Wishing you all the luck

 

[unluckysadness]

You don't need to be scared because it's legal. But they may ask you why did you order it ? The company asked me why and I told them that it was to fade my jeans (which is true of course !). I'm so glad I can now fade my jeans properly

 

[broken serenity]

That is really hard. Losing support is really difficult. At least until you ctb, don't forget universities have plenty of social events and mental health groups/professionals to help you in the meantime.

Why sn? Personally it sounds slow but that's just one case study I read.

 

[ih34rty0u]

You don't need to be scared because it's legal. But they may ask you why did you order it ? The company asked me why and I told them that it was to fade my jeans (which is true of course !). I'm so glad I can now fade my jeans properly

oh, thank you, this is actually a good excuse. i just hope that if they ask it will work in my case too, all i want to do is to dye my jeans after all

That is really hard. Losing support is really difficult. At least until you ctb, don't forget universities have plenty of social events and mental health groups/professionals to help you in the meantime.

Why sn? Personally it sounds slow but that's just one case study I read.

thank you so much.

when it comes to the method, i chose sn because the only other option that is accessible for me is partial hanging and i feel terrified by the thought of being strangled by a rope. i know that it's pretty much painless if the rope presses against your carotid arteries, but i'm afraid something would go wrong. i don't want to die in a lot of pain or end up with a brain damage.

sn is indeed slower than most methods, but i read that if it's done right you should lose consciousness pretty quickly. i also have been prescribed benzos and propanolol, which help to reduce the symptoms. i experienced a few alcohol and drugs poisonings in the past, so i hope i will be able to get through the discomfort.

i live alone, so i don't worry about anyone finding me on time. even if i had a seizure (i heard they happen) and made some noise, i doubt any of my neighbors would actually check on me.

 

[unluckysadness]

oh, thank you, this is actually a good excuse. i just hope that if they ask it will work in my case too, all i want to do is to dye my jeans after all

It works great on my jeans. You can see the difference. Just a little advice : wearing gloves is recommended.
I hope it helped you. Take care. I send you hugs

 

[mychois]

You don't need to be scared because it's legal. But they may ask you why did you order it ? The company asked me why and I told them that it was to fade my jeans (which is true of course !). I'm so glad I can now fade my jeans properly

People usually fake their jeans with diluted bleach or hydrogen peroxide, don't they?

 

[Liseli]

Did you go with full name and everything? Or just a pseudonym

 

[CutePrincess]

I ordered sn today. I'm not scared of report. I'm a little scared of my family finding it but I doubt it will happen and if it did they may not figure out what it's for. I'm also scared I may take it without other stuff in my mother's house and fail or traumatise my mother by being found dead by her. I would prefer to do it in the hotel with antisemitic that I don't have right now.

 

[SNastablesalt]

i ordered it from a company in my own country and im so scared. what if it gets cancelled or they will report it somewhere, since more people are starting to realize it's being used to ctb?
i don't know what to do with myself now. i only had the courage to do it because my best friend just ended our relationship yesterday. i just hope ordering sn won't cause me any more problems.

I love your pfp btw

 

[discman19999]

I wish I could find a damn source that ships to Germany

 

[ih34rty0u]

I love your pfp btw

omg thank you!! love quinn is honestly one of the most relatable characters to me.

and i love yours too, i used to be obsessed with zero day.

 

[SNastablesalt]

omg thank you!! love quinn is honestly one of the most relatable characters to me.

and i love yours too, i used to be obsessed with zero day.

LITERALLY I am love quinn she is me !!! and my zero day obsession comes and goes but it is 1000% in full swing rn

 

[Alexandra_]

I hope your SN reaches you

 

[ih34rty0u]

LITERALLY I am love quinn she is me !!! and my zero day obsession comes and goes but it is 1000% in full swing rn

glad to know there is someone here who loves the same media as me <3

I hope your SN reaches you

thank you, i got an email that it was sent today. luckily the company didnt ask any questions.

 

[ih34rty0u]

Did you go with full name and everything? Or just a pseudonym

i went with full name

 

[Liseli]

i went with full name

I hope nothing too bad happens to you. I wish you the best

 

[Heartbroken Nurse]

I'm in the same boat. Just ordered mine. Got the email asking what it was for. Haven't heard back yet if it's cancelled or coming. To track my order, I have to create an account, which I'm afraid to do (although that's probably silly since the order has all my info).

I'm choosing SN because partial hanging is my only other option, and I, too, am afraid of failing and ending up with brain damage. I just want to go. I want to go today. I was planning for tomorrow but I don't have any of the other meds I need with the SN and can't get into a doctor until January so I'm not going to. I don't know what to do. I just want peace and forever sleep.

 

[DoAnythingMore]

I've also lost my best (and only) friend recently.

If you feel like there's a part of you "missing" I can definitely relate. This cold feeling of abandonment is horrible, I wish it stopped.

This may not mean much, but there's definitely so many opportunities for you to make a new best friend. Sure, they won't replace your old friend but it can be a start of something greater and better, something you didn't even think was possible.

I'm planning on CTB via partial hanging. I'm scared that it will hurt a lot. I managed to buy a suitable rope and "practiced" a few times (lazily, not in a proper noose or anything, more info here for those who are interested) and honestly I don't think it's going to be as bad as I've been expecting it to be if done correctly. The scary part is that I'm not sure how to do it correctly in a consistent, fail-safe way.

I don't mean this the wrong way, some people probably don't like me asking you this, but are you completely sure and certain you want to CTB?
If you're only doing this because of the loss of your best friend, you should know that those feelings will pass. However, I fully respect your decision if that's what you want to do. And to be fair I don't know anything about you. Do you have any other reasons you want to CTB?

I wish you all the best. <3

 

[ih34rty0u]

I'm in the same boat. Just ordered mine. Got the email asking what it was for. Haven't heard back yet if it's cancelled or coming. To track my order, I have to create an account, which I'm afraid to do (although that's probably silly since the order has all my info).

I'm choosing SN because partial hanging is my only other option, and I, too, am afraid of failing and ending up with brain damage. I just want to go. I want to go today. I was planning for tomorrow but I don't have any of the other meds I need with the SN and can't get into a doctor until January so I'm not going to. I don't know what to do. I just want peace and forever sleep.

im so sorry you've found yourself in a situation that led you to order sn. i hope everything works out for you and you'll find peace, no matter what you decide to do.
btw i couldn't help but notice your username, i am a nursing student so we have even more in common :)

 

[ih34rty0u]

I've also lost my best (and only) friend recently.

If you feel like there's a part of you "missing" I can definitely relate. This cold feeling of abandonment is horrible, I wish it stopped.

This may not mean much, but there's definitely so many opportunities for you to make a new best friend. Sure, they won't replace your old friend but it can be a start of something greater and better, something you didn't even think was possible.

I'm planning on CTB via partial hanging. I'm scared that it will hurt a lot. I managed to buy a suitable rope and "practiced" a few times (lazily, not in a proper noose or anything, more info here for those who are interested) and honestly I don't think it's going to be as bad as I've been expecting it to be if done correctly. The scary part is that I'm not sure how to do it correctly in a consistent, fail-safe way.

I don't mean this the wrong way, some people probably don't like me asking you this, but are you completely sure and certain you want to CTB?
If you're only doing this because of the loss of your best friend, you should know that those feelings will pass. However, I fully respect your decision if that's what you want to do. And to be fair I don't know anything about you. Do you have any other reasons you want to CTB?

I wish you all the best. <3

hey, thank you so much for your reply. im so sorry that you've also lost a friend, i wouldn't wish it on anyone.

i was really attached to my bsf, he was also my only true friend ever, we both even referred to ourselves as soulmates. it isn't my only reason for ctb of course, but for almost two years ive been looking forward just to our hangouts - it was the only thing that helped me going through my life.

i find it hard to make connections with other people due to my mental illnesses, they often view me as weird and don't really act friendly towards me. i have some people i talk to at uni or on the internet, but it's hard to build an actual relationship that would replace what i've been missing.

i'll try to explain my other reasons why i want to ctb. my relationship with my parents has always been very complicated, ive suffered a lot of physical and mental abuse that left an impact on me. my self esteem is also very low due to bullying i experienced in school. those are the reasons why i've been suicidal since i was like nine years old.

my desire to ctb dramatically increased half a year ago, when i failed my first semester at university due to my mental state. i was constantly crying and i couldn't calm myself down enough to be able to study. i had to leave for different uni and change my major. it made me feel like a complete failure, especially since i used to be a top student in high school. now i can't even get through college.

i think ive read your story before, i absolutely understand what you're afraid of. that's also why i decided not to go for partial hanging. but i hope you find peace, no matter how life turns out for you.

if it comes to the topic of my suicide again, i think i will never be 100% sure that i want to ctb, since SI is always in the back of my head. im sure i don't really wanna live, i wish i was dead, but im scared of going through the process of dying itself.

i just feel like without the person who i consider to be my soulmate, my daily struggling has lost its point. thats what pushed me to finally order sn. now i keep it hidden and kinda feel stuck. i don't know what will happen next. if i actually ctb, i think it'll be a very impulsive decision, since only strong emotions are able to override my SI.

once again, thank you for you message and i hope everything works out for you <3