Just needed to talk

[Fallen bad23]

I wanted to ctb so bad and I never wanted to survive, I had so many methods on my mind but I couldn't go with any of them. I just didn't do it because I didn't want to hurt my family. I really hoped that I can find a way to make my death seem like a normal death like a heart attack or something since my family has a long history of heart problems. Now I found that dream method but I'm freaking out. It has become so real and I just don't know why does that scare me?! I wanted to die and I have been searching for methods for months now so why an I worried or scared?! I just don't get this

 

[Fernweh]

Once everything is "set" it makes everything more real, like you could actually go through with it. That's my experience at least. It's normal to be scared and have second thoughts i think, after all, it's a really big decision. Whenever ive thought that ive found "my method" i usually feel like "ok, now i can keep fighting a little longer", like having the possibility of ctb makes life a little more bearable (you didnt say anything about that, but thought i might add it anyway :)

 

[Sinbad]

I think deep down none of us wants to die. The big issue for most is the severe current and anticipated future pain without an existing antidote for permanent relieve.
The only excape is death!
We all seek a relieve from the pain not death. So you will continue to feel scared and questioning your intentions.. It's a part of suicide you have to deal with.