just my fucking luck

[glowing.purple.aura]

on this installment of each week being worse than the last..

tell me why JUST after I FINALLY gave up on all hope for the future and decided I'm 100% going through with killing myself, my brain is like "but what if X religion is true and you suffer for eternity because of this?!!!!" now I'm stuck in limbo between living and CTB because I know damn well with my luck: If I don't CTB, all religions are false and I suffered through life for nothing; If I do CTB, a religion where I'm forever punished for "ending it all" is real

all this time I've been like "ughhh CTB will NEVER WORK" thinking peace would finally be achieved once it happened but now I can't even be happy thinking about a successful attempt because I know I'll never have something go right for me even after I'm fucking deceased

 

[Always-in-trouble]

on this installment of each week being worse than the last..

tell me why JUST after I FINALLY gave up on all hope for the future and decided I'm 100% going through with killing myself, my brain is like "but what if X religion is true and you suffer for eternity because of this?!!!!" now I'm stuck in limbo between living and CTB because I know damn well with my luck: If I don't CTB, all religions are false and I suffered through life for nothing; If I do CTB, a religion where I'm forever punished for "ending it all" is real

all this time I've been like "ughhh CTB will NEVER WORK" thinking peace would finally be achieved once it happened but now I can't even be happy thinking about a successful attempt because I know I'll never have something go right for me even after I'm fucking deceased

Were you religiously raised, even a little bit? Those ideas about the afterlife are stupidly hard to get rid unless you fully separate yourself from it. I was absolutely afraid of hell before covid were apologetics-debunking content kinda lifted my mind from those metaphorical places.

 

[glowing.purple.aura]

Were you religiously raised, even a little bit? Those ideas about the afterlife are stupidly hard to get rid unless you fully separate yourself from it. I was absolutely afraid of hell before covid were apologetics-debunking content kinda lifted my mind from those metaphorical places.

I was able to get rid of the thoughts for a pretty long time but recently I've just been so paranoid because so much evil about the world is being revealed to me all at once

 

[muu]

my extremely religious father kind of drilled it into me that if i kill myself i'll be stuck in purgatory, but i think i'd rather be eternally suffering than have to deal with my day to day life. as far as i see it, my current life is eternal suffering.

when i think about it logically, no all loving god would do that to you if you're at your worst. i am somewhat spiritual, and i think that even with the cruel fate god imposed on a lot of us, he may still care to a degree... if you're that scared, maybe getting baptized or something could help you. :-)