Venting just having a whinge - have to move house again, abusive ex/housemate/can't get out of bed/valium not working. Sucks to everything.

[LittleJem]

Erm I'm just going to have a vent and it's not very relational to anything so sorry if it's random. I wish I could post the following on Facebook but it just gets me more shunned. What I would really like to post on Facebook is EUTHANASIA ON DEMAND FFS.

excuse this being so random.

Took 10mg of Valium after a fucking awful day and it's done barely anything. Maybe a bit calmer (I called the Samaritans so many times today). So now having vodka.I think the valium just gave me a headache. I reserve it for special occasions and I fucking hate it when it doesn't even help at all. I barely take it - it's not tolerance.

I hate that no substance makes this better and makes it go away.

I think I have to move house again - last year I moved a record 7 times in a year - and am so stressed about it. I've realised my housemate/ex is a fucking monster. I just don't have anywhere to go - where is there to live with chronic mental illness.

I'm surrounded by stuff I buy - because I shop when I get stressed - and my room looks hoarded, and I've been bedridden for two days. I just can't stand it.

I'm gonna try getting drunk and throwing as much stuff out as possible.

I just want to be dead. Today please.

 

[FuneralCry]

It sounds stressful what you are going through. I understand it is hard to carry on when you are suffering so much, this life is so tiring. I wish you the best whatever happens.

 

[Smart No More]

Benzo's/valium is weird like that. It can work one time and not another. There's a known phenomenon amongst active benzo users which is basically that benzos can trick you into believing they're doing nothing when from the outside looking in you can look off your face. Of course 10mg diazepam isn't going to have the effect of making you appear high but the general theory/premise translates across. Some benzos have better effects on different people. Diazepam is long acting with a few active metabolites which arw benzo's in themselves and are sold/prescribed separately in their own right. Seems like some people metabolise them differently. Same with some opiates like codeine.

Sorry you're having a crappy time.