justfloating
Student
- Feb 13, 2020
- 172
So i lost my virginity when i was raped. A few months after i started having sex with literally anyone that would have me. I did that for quite a while until i found a guy who i thought i connected well with, only to find out he was seeing someone else.
Not to sound cliche but it broke me, when he finally told me i was devastated. Thinking back to how he had asked me for nudes, told me things he was doing at the weekend and now knowing he was doing them with her.
Generally in hookups there was a mutual understanding that it was just sex, but he made me feel like i was more than that and it was all a lie. After that i decided i couldn't handle hookups and it was too damaging so i went on a date with a guy i really liked and got on with.
I told him i didn't want to have sex on the first date and he said that it was okay and we could just go back to his to smoke. So i went back to his and i was quite drunk, and we had sex. I did it because i liked him and i thought we were gonna see each other again, but he's ghosted me.
It just all makes me feel like no one sees me as more than a shag, that im not even worth a message saying they're not interested. And i know guys are dicks and i shouldn't let it get me down, but no one likes me as a person. Even when i try, and i put myself out there, im still nothing.
I don't know where to go from here, sure i could stop hookups, and not date, but them im still just alone. Sure, to an extent i am happy alone but its just not enough.
Not to sound cliche but it broke me, when he finally told me i was devastated. Thinking back to how he had asked me for nudes, told me things he was doing at the weekend and now knowing he was doing them with her.
Generally in hookups there was a mutual understanding that it was just sex, but he made me feel like i was more than that and it was all a lie. After that i decided i couldn't handle hookups and it was too damaging so i went on a date with a guy i really liked and got on with.
I told him i didn't want to have sex on the first date and he said that it was okay and we could just go back to his to smoke. So i went back to his and i was quite drunk, and we had sex. I did it because i liked him and i thought we were gonna see each other again, but he's ghosted me.
It just all makes me feel like no one sees me as more than a shag, that im not even worth a message saying they're not interested. And i know guys are dicks and i shouldn't let it get me down, but no one likes me as a person. Even when i try, and i put myself out there, im still nothing.
I don't know where to go from here, sure i could stop hookups, and not date, but them im still just alone. Sure, to an extent i am happy alone but its just not enough.
