Just discharged, already planning to OD

[Konjac]

Just discharged a couple days ago after an OD due to a psychotic episode (gotta love bipolar), I'm on a ridiculous dose of a certain antipsychotic and have no help other than a mental health team coming around to bother me every day with 'mood charts' and trying to force me to talk. Apparently they didn't think IP would be 'beneficial' but tbf all they asked me about was the psychosis. They didn't seem to care about the fact I'd downed over 200 pills of varying types haha. Thankfully the psychosis has eased off a little, and I'm slapping myself for the sloppy planning, but now I'm just plain suicidal I'm in a better state of mind to properly plan things out.

Jokes on them, I've been planning to CTB since I woke up in the hospital.

My SN was confiscated so all I have are OTC meds, and a couple day's worth of quetiapine to try and sedate me before the pain kicks in. I'm thinking ibuprofen but also mixed paracetamol, large enough doses can cause death but it'll be unpleasant swallowing all those pills. I almost died once from ibuprofen alone which is the only reason I'm even considering OTC stuff. It's unreliable and painful, but all I have. Still, it's worth a try, and if I find it doesn't work then I have blades and rope. I wish I'd have taken the SN while I still had it... it physically hurts haha. I'd try buying more, but I'm broke and desperate. Best case scenario is I'm one of the few to die, worst case scenario I end up in a psych ward for a few weeks. Better than continuing to suffer like I am. I leave in a few hours, as soon as the sun rises. I'll try to update if possible.

Hope you're all holding up okay, sending all my love.

 

[motel rooms]

worst case scenario I end up in a psych ward for a few weeks

No, permanent organ damage is the worst case scenario

 

[Konjac]

No, permanent organ damage is the worst case scenario

True. If that happened, it'd just make it easier for the next OD to work. It's painful and unpleasant but I feel like I deserve every bit of it.

That being said, SN is preferable... just more reason that peaceful, reliable methods should be more accessible. People wouldn't have to resort to things like this if that were the case.

 

[motel rooms]

if I find it doesn't work then I have blades and rope.

Why don't you just use the rope instead of putting yourself through all this pain?

 

[FuneralCry]

I agree that we should have access to more peaceful methods, as taking an overdose is unreliable. This life really can be cruel, and I guess this is what it comes to when we get desperate. I wish you well.