PeacefulSloth
Member
- Mar 1, 2022
- 10
Hi this is my first thread here and i thought I would use to vent a little and share somethings that I have no where else to discuss.
So tonight I am having a particularly rough night and I've been struggling to think about anything else other then hanging myself, I just feel like I really can't do this anymore and that staying alive for the sake of other people is really unfair on me.
For a little bit of back story on me I've struggled with anxiety and depression since I was around 12 or 13 and I've often dealt with it in isolation by myself. A lot of my issues come from the abuse I suffered as child where I was beaten, starved and emotionally ridiculed and degraded. Which I believe plays a big part in the issues I deal with now.
As for present me, I've been in a pretty deep depression for just over the past year of my life and during that time I've managed to lose my job, get myself into quite a lot of debt and made life become a daily struggle to just do that even the most basic things in life which leaves me more and more to want to end my life. I have attempted to take my life on 2 occasions before once with hanging which was when I was younger and in more recent times it was last July where I took all of my medication I had at once, when I thought it was going to work and I was going to die I didn't feel any worry or regret about it, I just felt peace and in a way I was happy that everything I have to deal with was finally over.
Which brings me back to this evening, so as I previously mentioned I'm having a really strong urge to just hang myself which has been building up over the past few weeks. In recent times I have been thinking about trying for a third time because I do feel like I want it all to end and with what happened last time I tried I feel in my heart it is the right decision, however I would prefer it to be under different circumstances as I now have a pretty strong picture in my mind how I want my final day to be and how I want it to end. Which does feel quite strange to try and avoid ending things just I can end them on my terms.
That's pretty much all I've got to say at the moment I'm not sure what the point of this thread is as it's kind of new thing for me to discuss this so openly but thank you to anyone who has taken the time to read this.
So tonight I am having a particularly rough night and I've been struggling to think about anything else other then hanging myself, I just feel like I really can't do this anymore and that staying alive for the sake of other people is really unfair on me.
For a little bit of back story on me I've struggled with anxiety and depression since I was around 12 or 13 and I've often dealt with it in isolation by myself. A lot of my issues come from the abuse I suffered as child where I was beaten, starved and emotionally ridiculed and degraded. Which I believe plays a big part in the issues I deal with now.
As for present me, I've been in a pretty deep depression for just over the past year of my life and during that time I've managed to lose my job, get myself into quite a lot of debt and made life become a daily struggle to just do that even the most basic things in life which leaves me more and more to want to end my life. I have attempted to take my life on 2 occasions before once with hanging which was when I was younger and in more recent times it was last July where I took all of my medication I had at once, when I thought it was going to work and I was going to die I didn't feel any worry or regret about it, I just felt peace and in a way I was happy that everything I have to deal with was finally over.
Which brings me back to this evening, so as I previously mentioned I'm having a really strong urge to just hang myself which has been building up over the past few weeks. In recent times I have been thinking about trying for a third time because I do feel like I want it all to end and with what happened last time I tried I feel in my heart it is the right decision, however I would prefer it to be under different circumstances as I now have a pretty strong picture in my mind how I want my final day to be and how I want it to end. Which does feel quite strange to try and avoid ending things just I can end them on my terms.
That's pretty much all I've got to say at the moment I'm not sure what the point of this thread is as it's kind of new thing for me to discuss this so openly but thank you to anyone who has taken the time to read this.
