Hi,
I've had a few strange days and felt pretty tired so I've slept a lot. I think I'm going through some withdrawal effects from not taking my medication I feel kind of rough. It's been pretty weird. Visually when I look at something like floor tiles or a wood pattern it's like they're moving. Slowly rotating back and forth it's like everything is breathing. The voices are still with me like they were before I got diagnosed. Sometimes they don't bother me sometimes they bother me in a major way.
That thing that's followed me is still around. I hear it walking around my home. My home used to be a small chapel that was converted into a maisonette which is very dainty and appealing but I don't know how old it is. I keep feeling waves of cold air around me when even when the house is really warm due to the heating being on. It gets ice cold and then if I step to the side it's like stepping into the sun again and really warm.
There's also a new addition my home which is a ghost girl. She's a little blonde girl with a teddy bear. She seems quite happy and smiles a lot. She can't speak but if I ask her if she's okay she smiles and carries on playing with her teddy bear. I don't feel scared of her I think she's just a lost soul who likes having someone around. I asked her what her name is and she mouthed the name Sarah or at least that's what it looked like. She comes and goes when she feels like and I'm okay with it.
I really want to try and ride it out and see if I can live without the medication. I hate having to rely on it. My depression and anxiety is definitely kicking in which last for months at a time before things start to change to a more manic state. I'm not sure how this will go. I want to say that I'm mentally strong enough to get through it and live like everyone else that doesn't need medication. I'll see how I goes. It depends how bad things get as before things could get out of control really easily. I still don't really like daylight and i don't like hearing people outside. I generally try to avoid people altogether apart from a few close friends and family members. I don't even go to see them very often. The less stimulus the better I think for me.
I've had a few strange days and felt pretty tired so I've slept a lot. I think I'm going through some withdrawal effects from not taking my medication I feel kind of rough. It's been pretty weird. Visually when I look at something like floor tiles or a wood pattern it's like they're moving. Slowly rotating back and forth it's like everything is breathing. The voices are still with me like they were before I got diagnosed. Sometimes they don't bother me sometimes they bother me in a major way.
That thing that's followed me is still around. I hear it walking around my home. My home used to be a small chapel that was converted into a maisonette which is very dainty and appealing but I don't know how old it is. I keep feeling waves of cold air around me when even when the house is really warm due to the heating being on. It gets ice cold and then if I step to the side it's like stepping into the sun again and really warm.
There's also a new addition my home which is a ghost girl. She's a little blonde girl with a teddy bear. She seems quite happy and smiles a lot. She can't speak but if I ask her if she's okay she smiles and carries on playing with her teddy bear. I don't feel scared of her I think she's just a lost soul who likes having someone around. I asked her what her name is and she mouthed the name Sarah or at least that's what it looked like. She comes and goes when she feels like and I'm okay with it.
I really want to try and ride it out and see if I can live without the medication. I hate having to rely on it. My depression and anxiety is definitely kicking in which last for months at a time before things start to change to a more manic state. I'm not sure how this will go. I want to say that I'm mentally strong enough to get through it and live like everyone else that doesn't need medication. I'll see how I goes. It depends how bad things get as before things could get out of control really easily. I still don't really like daylight and i don't like hearing people outside. I generally try to avoid people altogether apart from a few close friends and family members. I don't even go to see them very often. The less stimulus the better I think for me.
