Venting I've tried

[Deleted member 10090]

I've tried therapy, I've tried meds, I've tried so many different things and nothing has helped. Everything just got worse. I don't even know who I am. My life doesn't feel like mine, I'm not really sure when it last did. I've just kept holding on, mainly due to SI but there was always a little sliver of maybe I'll get better. Chronic pain really took that all away from me and I started just living for other people but I just can't do this anymore and even at this point if I didn't have chronic pain I don't think I'd want to live. It's taken everything from me.

I don't think any of this really matters though, life has always felt devoid of meaning. Pointless suffering for no real gain. Nothing in life is worth staying around for. I've just prolonged my suffering and the feeling has become more intense as the years and failed attempts have passed. I am broken. I am not me. I am a ghost in a body who never truly got to live.

My time here will hopefully soon be gone.

 

[FuneralCry]

I understand, it can be a hopeless feeling when everything keeps on getting worse. I see life as a horrible thing that we did not need, as we were all perfectly fine not existing before we were forced to live. Of course it is all pointless. I'm sorry you are suffering so much. I hope you find the peace you are looking for.

 

[Deleted member 10090]

I understand, it can be a hopeless feeling when everything keeps on getting worse. I see life as a horrible thing that we did not need, as we were all perfectly fine not existing before we were forced to live. Of course it is all pointless. I'm sorry you are suffering so much. I hope you find the peace you are looking for.

appreciate it, sorry you understand the feeling.

 

[A_miStake_of_NATURE]

I'm sorry this is happening to you. All of us here understand you and what you're feeling. I feel broken, too….. I'm not chronically in pain, and I guess you can say I have things worth living for in life. But I hate myself, my life and this world so much, I'm delaying the inevitable too.
how long have you been feeling this way?

 

[Deleted member 10090]

I'm sorry this is happening to you. All of us here understand you and what you're feeling. I feel broken, too….. I'm not chronically in pain, and I guess you can say I have things worth living for in life. But I hate myself, my life and this world so much, I'm delaying the inevitable too.
how long have you been feeling this way?

Almost a decade now is when I knew I would more than likely die by suicide.

 

[A_miStake_of_NATURE]

Almost a decade now is when I knew I would more than likely die by suicide.

That's a very long time. I'm sorry. What kind of condition do you have, if you don't mind me asking? How long have you been in therapy?

 

[Deleted member 10090]

That's a very long time. I'm sorry. What kind of condition do you have, if you don't mind me asking? How long have you been in therapy?

depression, anxiety, agoraphobia, panic attacks, and fibromyalgia. Also apparent disc issues in my neck but undiagnosed.

 

[Darkmoon Queen]

I think living for others is actually what killed me. Now it's been so long that I don't know how to live for me. I have panic attacks and other debilitating symptoms too but they're connected to a physical condition. I think I'm angry that now my capacity to break free is limited.

 

[A_miStake_of_NATURE]

depression, anxiety, agoraphobia, panic attacks, and fibromyalgia. Also apparent disc issues in my neck but undiagnosed.

That's quite a list….. And you're living all by yourself? What about your family and friends?

 

[Deleted member 10090]

That's quite a list….. And you're living all by yourself? What about your family and friends?

haven't had any friends in a long time. I live with family. I also forgot to reply to your previous question, i've been in and out of therapy for 7 years.

 

[A_miStake_of_NATURE]

haven't had any friends in a long time. I live with family. I also forgot to reply to your previous question, i've been in and out of therapy for 7 years.

I see. You said there was always hope there. Before. What do you think you want to happen to make things better for you?

 

[Deleted member 10090]

I see. You said there was always hope there. Before. What do you think you want to happen to make things better for you?

a quick painless death is all i ask for.

 

[A_miStake_of_NATURE]

a quick painless death is all i ask for.

Aren't we all?…..
then that's exactly what I wish for you ……