I've lost all hope. Nothing left

[Tintypographer]

I've realized lately that I can't regain hope. I've gone far too deep. I no longer believe that salvation is possible and I can think of millions more unanswerable questions to fight back against anyone who tries to give me hope. "Will this matter in 500 years?" Is the first one. "What if I deliberately choose not to accept things I can not change" is another. "What if my starting point is that I don't want to reframe or look on the bright side?" Is another. "What if i dislike the human relationships around me as my second point?"

What if the mix of all of these things is all that I think about and I've simply become comfortable with them day in and day out. I live exhausted knowing I didn't choose this life, I don't enjoy it or the being of existence. I don't care about my wife, my kids, my family. I hate it all. I wake up wishing every day I didn't have to wake up. I detest my home, my life, my career, my family, my extended family, all human interaction and I know that the greatest shred of happiness I could ever feel would be to not exist.

 

[jitendrabagaria786@]

Same with me

 

[FuneralCry]

I understand. To me life just seems to be endless misery and suffering all for no purpose. Having hope often just means we will have to face bitter disappointment when that hope is lost which is why I am glad that I have none. I also wish for non existence more than anything. Death would take away all problems and nothing can hurt me if I am gone. I could never be satisfied with living. Existence is so unnecessary.