I've changed my mind...

[NegativeSymptoms]

So I was planning to leave this world on April 30 this year, but lately I had some weird and intense dreams where I die from my own hand and get to experience the sadness/despair/devastation/grief of people close to me from their point of view. When awake, I'm emotionally numb, can't feel neither sadness nor joy nor empathy (which is one of the main reasons for being suicidal) but emotional tone of these dreams is so powerful that I wake up almost crying. Because of this I've postponed my CTB date by one year. It's gonna be very hard to survive, but I'll try to leave some good memories for my friends and relatives + accumule my disability benefits. I'll also try experimental self-therapy which has capacity to make me psychotic (I have schizophrenia), but I have nothing to lose really.

P.S. I hope my SN doesn't expire.

 

[iwanttodie000]

So I was planning to leave this world on April 30 this year, but lately I had some weird and intense dreams where I die from my own hand and get to experience the sadness/despair/devastation/grief of people close to me from their point of view. When awake, I'm emotionally numb, can't feel neither sadness nor joy nor empathy (which is one of the main reasons for being suicidal) but emotional tone of these dreams is so powerful that I wake up almost crying. Because of this I've postponed my CTB date by one year. It's gonna be very hard to survive, but I'll try to leave some good memories for my friends and relatives. I'll also try experimental self-therapy which has capacity to make me psychotic (I have schizophrenia), but I have nothing to lose really.

P.S. I hope my SN doesn't expire.

Glad to hear you feel like trying to stick around. There is nothing wrong with changing your mind or postponing the date. There are no do overs. I wish you the best with self therapy and making memories. I am planning to leave on 5/31 and we'll see if that sticks for me for sure.. Wish you the best of luck!

 

[WornOutLife]

I'm glad to know you'll be staying with us longer.
It's okay to postpone things. You'll know when the right time is, and if you regret it, it's also okay.

I was supposed to ctb last Jan, 21st, and here I am! lol

 

[Pharmaruined]

Sn won't expire.. chemicals especially in powder form typically have a very long shelf life..
Good luck on your decision. I'm happy you're hanging in there and sensitive to the people that love you..

 

[blue_muse]

Gutsy of you to give things a go and see what happens. The fact you're willing to deal with the unpredictable, by postponing, in daily life is commendable. Good job you have the support of SS .

 

[Irrelevant biologist]

Hugs!