i met my dad for lunch today. he's always known how to read me. to know when i'm not doing well even when i try to hide it. today he had no clue. i know telling him would make it worse because then he would start worrying all over again but i still feel bad that it will be a shock when i do it. he's done so much for me. i've put him through so much. he's done cpr on me when i tried SN, and yet i'm failing him. and he is none the wiser
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