Story It’s wild to me how fast I’ve changed tbh. (Positive story)

[TrifoliumsFriend]

So I'm not here to CTB nor am I contemplating it. I have basically been mentally okay for months now after the worst three years of my life, with recovery starting in April and me being relatively stable since October. Still, I don't believe suicidal people are stupid, helpless idiots so don't take my post as anything but me reminiscing about my life.

Anyways, sometimes I look back at my old posts or vaguely remember things I'd tell people and it's hard to believe it is only a year ago since that stuff happened. I've (regrettably) deleted much of what I wrote, but I still remember the hours I spent thinking about the worst of the world and letting what was undiagnosed and unacknowledged OCD take its course. I'm in university right now, and while I don't have an amazing social life, wealth or achievements, I feel…okay. OCD is still a bitch but it doesn't have a grip on me like it used to, as I know that following it will not give me the truth (tm) and will just make me feel like shit. Wish I could get therapy for it, especially since one of my interests (philosophy) is prone to pushing me into these spirals but that's a problem for future me. I have been on-and-off suicidal for 6 years, with things really ramping up 3 years ago and now I feel like I have hope going forward. I can really just sit there and feel…content. I haven't felt that way in years, it just feels…good

 

[timf]

Some see OCD as an intuitive or reflexive way to keep anxieties at bay. If you are able to take more direct control over your life, it may be that the reflex component becomes less strong.

 

[Overwhelmed52]

This is really helpful to read. I have been going through a tough couple of months. It is legitimate anxiety about something getting ramped up out of control, plus ruminating on things I have avoided thinking about. I am so glad for you that things have gotten better.

 

[RosebyAnyName]

It's great that you're feeling better and getting your OCD symptoms under control, anxiety and repetitive / obsessive thinking can be really nasty. I'm glad you found that not giving in to repetitive thoughts is helpful, that's usually considered the correct way to manage OCD.