It's time to leave

[12-hour Kitten]

I hope you find peace, man. Whatever you do

 

[rozbitka]

Don't do it today. You're clearly not ready.

 

[sancta-simplicitas]

I fell asleep.
I'm a mess.
Going to try CTB later today.
Thank you to all who have been kind.
Sent a text scheduled for tomorrow noon to a friend. I've written and asked her to call an ambulance because my cat can't be alone. Left the door unlocked. Left out a huge bowl of food and water for my cat. Having whiskey for the nerves.

 

[sancta-simplicitas]

I keep getting pressure on the jugulars. My carotids are pretty easy to locate with my hands since I'm fairly skinny but I can't get the noose to push right. Fuck. I thought this was going to be easier. I am going to have to experiment some more. I need to rest in between attempts because for some reason they're making me fatigued.

 

[DoublingDown]

I can imagine your body releasing adrenaline every attempt is the cause of the fatigue. I remember with my own trials run before the attempt I was excruciatingly exhausted, then I found out I have autonomic dysfunction that causes a hyper-sensitivity to adrenaline.

 

[sancta-simplicitas]

I can imagine your body releasing adrenaline every attempt is the cause of the fatigue. I remember with my own trials run before the attempt I was excruciatingly exhausted, then I found out I have autonomic dysfunction that causes a hyper-sensitivity to adrenaline.

How did you handle it?

--
I found the sweet spot using a pair of socks that I tied to the noose. My vision started to fade and my hands begun tingling. The SI was absolutely brutal and triggered a massive panic attack. Need to calm down before I try again.

--
Fucking hell, how do people get off of this? Lmao

 

[ztoi]

How did you handle it?

--
I found the sweet spot using a pair of socks that I tied to the noose. My vision started to fade and my hands begun tingling. The SI was absolutely brutal and triggered a massive panic attack. Need to calm down before I try again.

--
Fucking hell, how do people get off of this? Lmao

this is why people use benzos when attempting, way less nerves

 

[DoublingDown]

How did you handle it?

The exhaustion? Not sure if mine was worse since my body reacts to poorly to it, but it would take a day or two to feel well enough to try again. On top of that, my brain started developing a fear of trialing again knowing that adrenaline surge was coming. Many others use benzos to calm down, but I've found they don't work well for me. I tried Valium and it worked the first time, second time not at all. It was just reaching a point it didn't matter anymore, overriding that fear of trialing and hoping I wouldn't have to try again. Obviously it didn't work, which I struggle with for various reasons. This was 5 years ago and I haven't been close enough to try again until recently.

 

[emptymiku]

are you sure you're ready?

 

[sancta-simplicitas]

Am going to try again as soon as I can manage. Currently stuck in bed freezing my ass off. I'm pathetic.

 

[ztoi]

update?

 

[rozbitka]

Don't feel bad if you didn't follow through. We've all been there.

 

[sancta-simplicitas]

I've been extremely fatigued. Still extremely fatigued. Right now I have a micro set-up in my bed to get used to the sensation and hopefully lower the SI response that way.
I'm so disappointed in myself and I feel trapped on this Earth against my own will.

 

[rozbitka]

What set-up?