Venting It's not getting better...

[3/4Dead]

It's been a year almost since my original CTB date that I bailed on...

I feel awful. I dont feel like I'm any better, I still want to die. I wish I had the courage to do it tonight. I can't believe I'm still alive, and I'm still thinking about killing myself. I wish it would just end.

Therapy since I was 7, tons of different psych meds, one long term relationship, ten years of off and on planning to CTB later and nothing to show for any of it. I can't feel excited about anything, I'm not happy most of the time, the only time I feel relaxed is if I'm stoned and the only person I care about is my partner and that's falling apart. If this relationship and the LSAT both fall through I give up...

Im such a burden to everyone around me no matter what i do- all I do is fuck things up. People will be upset if I do it but everyone's lives will be better for it

 

[MicahBell]

feel that. every time i've attempted and either failed or chickened out i thought i was at my lowest but it turns out its a bottomless pit. i've actually been taking antidepressants, not mine, given to me by someone to help my insomnia, but still. they haven't helped at all. i wish i had the guts to just go the painful way