Tomoko
Unpopular
- Aug 12, 2021
- 123
For months, I go on as if absolutely nothing is wrong. I feel neutral all the time, getting by without issue. Then out of nowhere its thrown at me like a brick. All of these torturous thoughts of what once was, and will never be again. All those months of "progress", if you can even call it that, vanish into the air. I recluse. I spend all my time alone in the dark, listening to music, or working overtime and having no time to relax. That alone time eats me up, constantly opening a new tab to look for various things I could kill myself with. But not before the emotions fade, and I go back to a pseudo-normal again, dismissing the months of mental anguish and hell as just another thing that passes. It will never end unless I manage to beat it, but by the time my will is at its highest, I always return to normal before I get to the end of the story. I want to kill myself, but even my will to do THAT is small during this depression. I just wish I didn't exist at all.
