Venting it still isnt better.

[followingfate]

having to live with constant memories of my trauma. being judged because of my oddities. ostracized because I can't communicate correctly. constant exhaustion. a partner that does nothing to accommodate my disability, and if anything, purposefully does things to make it worse.

I'm tired of living. I'm tired of dealing with my selfish, hurtful partner. I'm tired of having to go to work, just to be exhausted from masking all the time. I'm tired of remembering my traumas and asking why my mother treated me the way she did. I'm tired.

why didn't I kill myself when I had the chance. why why why why why why why.

I want to so badly now, but I have young pet reptiles, and no one else to care for them.
I never have anyone I can go to for help. I'm so alone. and I'm so tired.

and this is the exact same thing I would have been saying months ago, years ago. it doesn't get better. it never gets better. at least, not for me.

I'm selfish. I want to be dead.

 

[FuneralCry]

I understand the feeling of being tired of everything and I do know that in this life it can be hard to carry on when you suffer. I have also had enough of life, to me life is just endless pain and misery all for the sake of it. I'm sorry that you are going through this, I hope that in whatever happens you find relief as none of us should ever have to suffer.