fleurdelune
Member
- Jan 14, 2025
- 45
just a lil rant:
i am in my last year of undergrad and i'm supposed to do a thesis, which i have been dreading for the past 3 years... and of course nothing is going smoothly for me. i have never been so stressed and anxious over school for weeks on end before, but this time it's not even so much about academics as it is about people being unnecessarily shitty and unreliable. in other words, the person who is supposed to be advising my thesis sucks at this part of their job. it doesn't help that i'm also freaking out because i never planned to survive this long and i'm afraid of what might happen when i leave school and am confronted more harshly by the "real world" in which i'm not meant to live. i think my hair is shedding more than usual because of the stress and i've been struggling extra to conceal my emotions as of late. i seem to get triggered more easily and i've cried in front of people without meaning to on multiple occasions in the past few weeks, which i rarely did before. i really do feel like i'm officially going crazy.
i know it would be silly to finally kill myself over something as trivial (although it doesn't feel trivial) as school, but i also know that this stuff all runs deeper than just "school," and i'm convinced that the universe would find some way to kick my ass for overstaying my welcome on earth no matter what. i just feel trapped by my fear of breaking my mom's heart. fuck my stupid brain
my therapist wants me to try to get an earlier appointment with my psychiatrist to discuss my heightened anxiety because i'm currently supposed to see her in 2 weeks, which feels like such a long time. i'll call the clinic on monday, but i don't want to. i hate phonecalls... especially in the big 2026. *socially anxious sigh*
the urge to withdraw from school and/or the world grows with every bullshit-filled day. i'm so tired :(
i hope you guys are feeling somewhat better than i am. heart <3
i am in my last year of undergrad and i'm supposed to do a thesis, which i have been dreading for the past 3 years... and of course nothing is going smoothly for me. i have never been so stressed and anxious over school for weeks on end before, but this time it's not even so much about academics as it is about people being unnecessarily shitty and unreliable. in other words, the person who is supposed to be advising my thesis sucks at this part of their job. it doesn't help that i'm also freaking out because i never planned to survive this long and i'm afraid of what might happen when i leave school and am confronted more harshly by the "real world" in which i'm not meant to live. i think my hair is shedding more than usual because of the stress and i've been struggling extra to conceal my emotions as of late. i seem to get triggered more easily and i've cried in front of people without meaning to on multiple occasions in the past few weeks, which i rarely did before. i really do feel like i'm officially going crazy.
i know it would be silly to finally kill myself over something as trivial (although it doesn't feel trivial) as school, but i also know that this stuff all runs deeper than just "school," and i'm convinced that the universe would find some way to kick my ass for overstaying my welcome on earth no matter what. i just feel trapped by my fear of breaking my mom's heart. fuck my stupid brain
my therapist wants me to try to get an earlier appointment with my psychiatrist to discuss my heightened anxiety because i'm currently supposed to see her in 2 weeks, which feels like such a long time. i'll call the clinic on monday, but i don't want to. i hate phonecalls... especially in the big 2026. *socially anxious sigh*
the urge to withdraw from school and/or the world grows with every bullshit-filled day. i'm so tired :(
i hope you guys are feeling somewhat better than i am. heart <3
