Venting It always gets worse

[acidkitsune23]

3 times. 3 times time after time I've fumbled these past months.

The girl I liked got a gf, and now she's not really talking to me. I feel like an idiot. I feel horrible. I was doing so well. Now I'm considering throwing everything away and relapsing. That is the only thing in my life that will ever be consistent. Nothing feels worth it anymore, and I just feel so hollow. I just want someone to love me.

My ex recently got another boyfriend and I just feel horrible (I was SEVERELY attached to him before we broke up, absolutely nothing against him by the way. He is an amazing person and I really am happy for him, I'm just taking everything in right now). My other more recent ex got a girlfriend literally days after we broke up, which is like, was I THAT disposable? Just that easy to up and abandon? He won't even text me anymore either. I just feel so alone. I want to feel that kind of attraction again-- REAL attraction. But I know people in real life wouldn't like me. I'm fat, I'm not that attractive, and I'm socially awkward. And where I live doesn't give me many options. I just feel so disposable and genuinely alone. I feel like genuinely nothing is worth it if I'm not dating someone. But then again, if I date someone that nagging thought is always there. "They're going to leave you". I don't want to spend more nights sobbing and crying over that again. I don't want to go through hell being nervous that I'm not good enough again. But I yearn for that feeling of attraction, the feeling of having a crush. I feel so stupid I am such an idiot. I'm not as frantic as I usually am, but it's just the calm before the storm. I know it'll get worse soon. It always does. At this point I'm begging for it so it will be over

 

[Yume Nikki]

I know how it feels to be disposable to someone. I've stopped making an effort to meet people due to this. It's like every person that comes into my life sees me as a learning experience or a temporary thing to discard when it no longer serves a purpose. From exes to friends, I don't think I can recall the last time I was ever important to anyone. It makes you question your worth and wonder why people are so awful. To be fair, it doesn't seem like a good idea to keep in touch with your previous partners as it sounds like it's hurting your self-esteem severely, the fact that they don't text you as often anymore speaks volumes about their character. Maybe you can try taking a break from relationships for awhile and focus on a new goal like a hobby of some sort. It'll serve as a good distraction to slowly distance yourself from those people as time progresses so that you can rebuild new relationships with better people in your life.