Doubt anyone remembers, a few weeks ago I made a post detailing how I've made my mother cry because I now lack the energy to fake being a Muslim. Not putting my head on the ground 5 times a day because some bitch ass pedophile told me to do so 1400 years ago.
I know I'm not responsible for anyone's happiness and all that talk. I understand and respect that perspective, but that's still my mom. I made her cry again and she told me how much I'm hurting her by not doing this simplest thing (praying) after all she's been doing for me. Valid.
I'd do anything for her. But I'm tired of masking. I'm not gonna spend 14 hours masking at work and at uni, just to go home and continue masking. Fuck that shit, I don't have that in me anymore. I have no energy for much of anything really. Not for talking, texting, working out, making art, and all that. Things that I enjoy to an extent.
In Islam, if you die during prayer you're guaranteed heaven where you fuck 72 virgins and drink endless titty milk. If you kill yourself, you're guaranteed eternal damnation. Maybe it's fire, or maybe it's being tied to a chair and forced to unironically watch SNL forever.
How do I make my suicide seem like a miracle? I know SN would show up in the autopsy. Preferably I want to do die in a praying position or holding the Quran in my hand, so my parents are at ease thinking I'm in heaven, drinking endless wine mixed with titty milk.
TL;DR I want to make it seem like God has forgiven me for being a rebel that he gave me a happy ending. So how do I kill myself without anyone knowing it was suicide?
I know I'm not responsible for anyone's happiness and all that talk. I understand and respect that perspective, but that's still my mom. I made her cry again and she told me how much I'm hurting her by not doing this simplest thing (praying) after all she's been doing for me. Valid.
I'd do anything for her. But I'm tired of masking. I'm not gonna spend 14 hours masking at work and at uni, just to go home and continue masking. Fuck that shit, I don't have that in me anymore. I have no energy for much of anything really. Not for talking, texting, working out, making art, and all that. Things that I enjoy to an extent.
In Islam, if you die during prayer you're guaranteed heaven where you fuck 72 virgins and drink endless titty milk. If you kill yourself, you're guaranteed eternal damnation. Maybe it's fire, or maybe it's being tied to a chair and forced to unironically watch SNL forever.
How do I make my suicide seem like a miracle? I know SN would show up in the autopsy. Preferably I want to do die in a praying position or holding the Quran in my hand, so my parents are at ease thinking I'm in heaven, drinking endless wine mixed with titty milk.
TL;DR I want to make it seem like God has forgiven me for being a rebel that he gave me a happy ending. So how do I kill myself without anyone knowing it was suicide?
