Venting Is this really how I'm going to spend my last year alive?

[Jinnberg]

Whenever I start to draw or write, I often think to myself "is this how I'm going to spend my last year alive? Doing something I only do as a substitute for the validation I never got as a child? Something I hate doing?"

I don't really have any other hobbies, but drawing makes me miserable. Everything makes me miserable, so it's really not like drawing is the issue here. Doing anything is so painful and makes me want to die.

I spend my days laying in bed, waiting for my death date. I should have the money I need by next year to ctb successfully.

I'm always thinking of dying, not a day goes by where I don't violently sob at the thought of spending another second here.

I'm spending my last year alive doing things I hate, talking to people who wouldn't care if I live or die, but I don't know if I could even last another year like this. It's so unbearable.

 

[WorthlessTrash]

Whenever I start to draw or write, I often think to myself "is this how I'm going to spend my last year alive? Doing something I only do as a substitute for the validation I never got as a child? Something I hate doing?"

I don't really have any other hobbies, but drawing makes me miserable. Everything makes me miserable, so it's really not like drawing is the issue here. Doing anything is so painful and makes me want to die.

I spend my days laying in bed, waiting for my death date. I should have the money I need by next year to ctb successfully.

I'm always thinking of dying, not a day goes by where I don't violently sob at the thought of spending another second here.

I'm spending my last year alive doing things I hate, talking to people who wouldn't care if I live or die, but I don't know if I could even last another year like this. It's so unbearable.

May I ask what has brought you to this point? I am very sorry that life has been unfair to us :(

 

[FuneralCry]

I'm sorry that you are in such an awful situation. Everything is also depressing to me as well and most things just make me feel worse. All that I feel like I am doing is waiting around to die, I see no point to living. I know that it can be awful living a life you hate. I wish you the best in whatever happens, I hope that you find relief from your suffering.

 

[whatevs]

Sounds like peak depression. I hope you fall back into intermediate misery, where I dwell.

 

[Jinnberg]

May I ask what has brought you to this point? I am very sorry that life has been unfair to us :(

It's mostly a mix of alot of different life events that I had little to no control over. So, severe trauma that I've been working through my entire life but unfortunately nothing has helped me cope with it.

It's a long story, that I would rather not delve deep into at this moment, sorry!! D: