sanctionedpriest
New Member
- Mar 27, 2026
- 3
This is my first post in here, and the reason that i'm posting is because i've noticed an unusual pattern in my family.
I'm 21 Male & come from a fairly conservative family, although I consider myself the exact opposite to them. My family history is pretty complicated when it comes to the topic of mental health and suicide.
Before i was born, my maternal grandfather committed suicide because my mother was pregnant with me at the time and he disapproved of her relationship with my father. He wanted her to marry someone else that he'd choose for her.
My upbringing my pretty rough, i've lived at my mothers home my entire life to this day, though i'll be moving to another country for my masters degree soon. But yeah, growing up my father wasn't present as much would only visit me once or twice a month and my mother also lived in a different country for work and only visited home 1 month a year. So I spent most of my childhood in isolation and without having my parents around me. Things became much worse when i was around 13 my father committed suicide as well, he actually posted about it a few days before his death but no one actually took it seriously and his friends and my mother brushed it off a joke but he did end up killing himself on his 36th birthday. This is where the big shift happens in my life where i start struggling mentally since his death happened just at the beginning of my teenage. I stopped interacting with children at school because everytime someone brought up their family or what their father does I did not want others to know about it so I'd walk away or pretend to asleep with my head down, or if they were really forcing a conversation on me i'd just lie and say he lived far away like he used to before he died. This continued till highschool, one of my teachers that time noticed this & suggested to my family to take me to a psychiatrist because of me not interacting with anyone just staying at my seat all day, though i felt betrayed that time because i didn't necessarily think there was anything wrong with me and i believed i was just a very shy and awkward kid. At the psychiatrist i just lied about everything to make me seem normal and i never went back for another appointment ever. Which i believe was a grave mistake because that was 3 years ago and i've gotten worse mentally since then, I haven't even left my house since i was 13, i just stay in all day and go to class and come back that's about it and never have any conversation with my grandmother who i stay with. I could never bring up mental health infront of my family because of their conservative background and where i'm from they generalize all mental disordered people as psychopaths or insane. But yeah later on i also found that there's been more suicides by men in my mothers side of family, and there's a superstition that men don't live above 45 in our family, which i do think is stupid since i don't believe in such stuff but my father did kill himself at 36, my grandfather and others did as well but i'm not too sure of the age they committed suicide at.
There's a lot more details i left out because i don't want to make my first post too long but yeah i guess i just wanted to share my story.
I'm 21 Male & come from a fairly conservative family, although I consider myself the exact opposite to them. My family history is pretty complicated when it comes to the topic of mental health and suicide.
Before i was born, my maternal grandfather committed suicide because my mother was pregnant with me at the time and he disapproved of her relationship with my father. He wanted her to marry someone else that he'd choose for her.
My upbringing my pretty rough, i've lived at my mothers home my entire life to this day, though i'll be moving to another country for my masters degree soon. But yeah, growing up my father wasn't present as much would only visit me once or twice a month and my mother also lived in a different country for work and only visited home 1 month a year. So I spent most of my childhood in isolation and without having my parents around me. Things became much worse when i was around 13 my father committed suicide as well, he actually posted about it a few days before his death but no one actually took it seriously and his friends and my mother brushed it off a joke but he did end up killing himself on his 36th birthday. This is where the big shift happens in my life where i start struggling mentally since his death happened just at the beginning of my teenage. I stopped interacting with children at school because everytime someone brought up their family or what their father does I did not want others to know about it so I'd walk away or pretend to asleep with my head down, or if they were really forcing a conversation on me i'd just lie and say he lived far away like he used to before he died. This continued till highschool, one of my teachers that time noticed this & suggested to my family to take me to a psychiatrist because of me not interacting with anyone just staying at my seat all day, though i felt betrayed that time because i didn't necessarily think there was anything wrong with me and i believed i was just a very shy and awkward kid. At the psychiatrist i just lied about everything to make me seem normal and i never went back for another appointment ever. Which i believe was a grave mistake because that was 3 years ago and i've gotten worse mentally since then, I haven't even left my house since i was 13, i just stay in all day and go to class and come back that's about it and never have any conversation with my grandmother who i stay with. I could never bring up mental health infront of my family because of their conservative background and where i'm from they generalize all mental disordered people as psychopaths or insane. But yeah later on i also found that there's been more suicides by men in my mothers side of family, and there's a superstition that men don't live above 45 in our family, which i do think is stupid since i don't believe in such stuff but my father did kill himself at 36, my grandfather and others did as well but i'm not too sure of the age they committed suicide at.
There's a lot more details i left out because i don't want to make my first post too long but yeah i guess i just wanted to share my story.
