Is this feeling normal? (while waiting for suicide date)

[Insomniac]

To those who took SN and successfully died, I have a few questions:

So, I have everything planned for my SN and I'm planning to take it around July 20th.

I've started to feel a little bit dizzy, like an astronaut trying to walk normally on a surface with no gravity.

I haven't told anyone in my family about my plan but I get the feeling that everyone know.. and that makes me feel like a traitor. For deserting life.

I feel a little shaky inside, like I'm about to pass out. And when I try to visualizer the future, a dark abyss opens in my mind and it's all I see.

There is also a sense of terror. I don't feel it very strongly right now but I feel like the feeling is intensifying as the minutes pass.

Is what I am feeling normal?

 

[NatureHermit921]

Is what I am feeling normal?

From my experience : yea.
I was feeling very..dizzy or "light" (is the best way to describe it) in my chest area. I like your astronaut analogy a lot ~

 

[All Things Must Pass]

I haven't told anyone in my family about my plan but I get the feeling that everyone know.. and that makes me feel like a traitor. For deserting life.

No need to. You did not sign up to live.

 

[hʚll]

i'm feeling the same. the terror of not knowing what expects me after but the terror of keeping this existence going on too, the feeling of being a traitor because i'm leaving the boat , just because i'm choosing to not suffer anymore, the weight of all this makes me feel a zombie

 

[Insomniac]

"light" (is the best way to describe it)

This is exactly how I'd describe it too. I feel light and vulnerable, like the wind could easily steal me.

the feeling of being a traitor because i'm leaving the boat

what's accentuating this feeling for me is the fear of surviving and then having nowhere to go when I leave the hospital.. Idk if this is just my nervous thinking, but I feel like my family will just abandon me if I survive. Why would they take me back after such an act of selfishness?.. the more I think about how bad things could go, the more terrifying this gets..

 

[hʚll]

what's accentuating this feeling for me is the fear of surviving and then having nowhere to go when I leave the hospital.. Idk if this is just my nervous thinking, but I feel like my family will just abandon me if I survive. Why would they take me back after such an act of selfishness?.. the more I think about how bad things could go, the more terrifying this gets..

i'm really sorry you are feeling like this.
i've been thinking about that too. they would probably hate me after. i don't know why but i have the feeling that i would hate them back if i ever survive, because in my case i kinda know killing myself is probably in part out of not feeling any belonging to them
anyway i think that if they can't bring themselves to feel some empathy for your suffering, then yeah, i wouldn't even consider them "family". you never asked for this. they are in part responsible for you being here in pain. so the least they can do is to support you and help you, even after a suicide attempt.
i'm sorry. i know my words bring no comfort.
i wish you peace

 

[fruit-loops]

To those who took SN and successfully died, I have a few questions:

So, I have everything planned for my SN and I'm planning to take it around July 20th.

I've started to feel a little bit dizzy, like an astronaut trying to walk normally on a surface with no gravity.

I haven't told anyone in my family about my plan but I get the feeling that everyone know.. and that makes me feel like a traitor. For deserting life.

I feel a little shaky inside, like I'm about to pass out. And when I try to visualizer the future, a dark abyss opens in my mind and it's all I see.

There is also a sense of terror. I don't feel it very strongly right now but I feel like the feeling is intensifying as the minutes pass.

Is what I am feeling normal?

Many thanks for sharing your feels, it's really heart opening and I can feel the psychological state you are passing through. It's very intense and scary but I think there is nothing more normal than that. We are deciding about leaving all we know and jump to the unknown, to the abysm of not being. It is a very big deal, the huge one, how can be it easy?

I feel light and vulnerable, like the wind could easily steal me.

Thanks again for your sharing, I appreciate a lot your openness and the way you are talking about it

That said, it's a very important step, if you need take your time. There is no hurry or pressure to stick to your initial proposal