Is life a mystery?

[tom_46]

I have been struggling with a lot of fear. I have trouble looking at people in the eye, and I started carrying a gun whenever I go outside. The paranoia has stuck with me for months, and the meds are not helping. I have been thinking about death a lot, daily, hourly, and its hard to stop thinking about it. I realized the more I think about death, the less life feels like a mystery and more of a repetitious affair of pain and suffering. Truth is I'm fine with resting, and simply going to sleep forever. The inevitable conditions of the body are death and illness. The way society looks down at suicide makes me feel like I have failed, but I'm fine with failing. I'mma keep failing, because I want to rest, and let my body rest. Things aren't permanent. Peace to everyone here that plans on suicide, because once your dead, all of the thoughts, ideas, concepts, they all melt away. A lot of us are suffering, but eventually even suffering isn't permanent. Peace, loving this community so far. Feel free to share your thoughts on this question.

 

[novem]

I am sorry you are suffering, I wish i could understand paranoia. Is it similar to anxiety?

 

[tom_46]

I am sorry you are suffering, I wish i could understand paranoia. Is it similar to anxiety?

It is honestly a form of anxiety in my opinion, because essentially it feels when I go outside I don't trust anyone. It feels someone is watching me, and trying to "get" me somehow. In fact I've bought a gun due to this persistent feeling of being watched and someone trying to get me. Thank you for your kindness, truly appreciate it.

 

[novem]

what was your experience with medications?
they say prescribing meds can be a gamble and they try several times to see what works.
For example for my anxiety dopamine blockers that my friend gave me to try worked, but meds that doc prescribed just killed my erection and anxiety persisted.

 

[motel rooms]

Yeah. It's a murder mystery.

 

[Famous Last Words]

 

[motel rooms]

I wish psychedelics could have that kind of (lasting) effect on my brain.

 

[FuneralCry]

To me, life is just meaningless suffering and it is a pointless experience that we go through for the sake of it. Life is cruel, unfair and can be very horrifying. I also see life as being completely unnecessary, we were all perfectly fine not existing until we were forced to live. I think that there is nothing mysterious about life, I agree that it is just repetitive suffering. That is why the thought of non existence comforts me a lot.

This life really can be torture and it sounds unbearable what you are going through. No one should have to suffer like that. I wish you peace.

 

[thedaywillcome]

Life is not a mystery.