Help is it worth hanging on until the end?

[Life_and_Death]

i accidently told my friend about my attempt. (i shared something where i forgot i mentioned it which when she pointed it out i followed with "fuck") anyway she just said "It's worth it to keep trying until the end" but i really feel its not. im at my end. therapy alone wont help. i hate myself, my husband annoys me even though he tries. im independent and codependent, my normal stress levels are high, i have just about every kind of anxiety going. i love 2 guys that wont even give me a break even though they never met each other. i hate that i like sex. theres times when sex doesnt interest me at all. i wish i could somehow know im actually loved but for as long as sex is in the picture im not sure ill ever believe it. i need several different medications and the one im on now prevents me from taking any others without risking death or worse suicidal thoughts. and no i cant/dont want to go off it, that risks suicide too. i have a personality disorder. im inside myself (i can see and hear but its difficult). i have attention/boredom problems. i can do something and still be bored, it makes talking to my husband impossible and i feel like shit because of it. its a constant vortex of everythings wrong and i just cant anymore. im currently buzzed (behind my husbands back) and wishing i could be high. im trying but....its not worth it. i dont want to continue, it hurts and each day only reinforces why i have to die. speaking of not to mention my fear of death that leaves me in tears sometimes. lets see, risk dying in an unknown possibly horrible way or take care of it myself my way, yeah that doesnt sound like a hard choice. without that medication...its not worth it

 

[BigNarkoleptic]

Well at least your not alone crying over Chinese food because you've been alone for almost ten years... Think about that 0_0 all the advice I've got... Very bridgeetty Jones I'm afraid

 

[Life_and_Death]

Well at least your not alone crying over Chinese food because you've been alone for almost ten years... Think about that 0_0 all the advice I've got... Very bridgeetty Jones I'm afraid

id actually prefer that. it would help a lot of my problems if other people werent involved (the alone part not the crying part, also chinese would be nice mmmmmm)