Is it weird to no longer be suicidal, but still gather the materials to ctb?

[CesiumBullet]

I very suddenly became not suicidal. I think my boyfriend found a way to convince me to stay, and I truly want to stay. At least for now. Should I still go through with my plan to gather the necessary drugs to go through with my plan? Is it really a good idea to have an 'insurance policy'? I've never been so close to having control over my death, it would feel weird to just give up now.

 

[Forever Sleep]

It depends I suppose on whether you are an impulsive person. Some people feel like they can't entirely trust themselves with easy access to a method. Or simply that knowing it's there provides too much of a tether to ideation maybe.

It made sense for me to get SN a few years back because it was obvious it was becoming harder to get in the UK. I kind of know I won't use it till my Dad goes though. So, it's not a problem for me to have it.

 

[INYGTRMTFMO]

No, it's not weird to want to see a goal you set forth go completion. If you've been mulling methods and materials for ages, it's hard to stop thinking about those materials and methods even if the urge behind it is lessened.

Of course, if your goal isn't recovery, I wouldn't recommend going out of your way to obtain that which does the opposite. But the wanting to is not "weird."

 

[broken_stoic]

I very suddenly became not suicidal. I think my boyfriend found a way to convince me to stay, and I truly want to stay. At least for now. Should I still go through with my plan to gather the necessary drugs to go through with my plan? Is it really a good idea to have an 'insurance policy'? I've never been so close to having control over my death, it would feel weird to just give up now.

Partly I will echo what others have said and add a little:

If you actively want to live and are worried the impulse or a sudden low-swing might make you do something you might not otherwise do, that could be dangerous.

Having materials around might bring some people peace, it can also bring you to a very dark place. So consider if it is better or worse for your mental health given your goals.

Also keep in mind how dangerous ctb materials can be and make sure someone else won't accidentally be exposed.

My thoughts on the subject, ultimately it's up to you and I wish you all the best.

 

[LostLily]

The psychiatrist tells me it is partly for my need for control in a life I feel a lack of control over.
I plan to get SN "just in case"and even have a timer lock to keep it in